A Grawberry, a Nuggle and a Sloppy Kiss

My Mom had me Tricked

2011-01-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

A Floor Kiss: Lately, I have been sorrowing, but haven't done anything to be sorrowful about. I have been repenting over past mistakes, but not fresh ones. I feel like Maria who decides to kiss the floor of her enemy, before ever making a mistake. The Lord has planted things in my mind to remind me of my error, and my vulnerability, before I have made any mistakes... I have been praying wonderful prayers each morning that humbly petition and help and have been joyfully receiving much grace through the day that is not me, it is supplemented of Him.

New Tricks: Yesterday, while I was doing the dishes, and my daughter was complaining, I pictured in my mind this beautiful, heavenly princess that the Lord loved dearly. This image became so poignant that I over ran feelings of irritation I was experiencing. I was able then to wait till I felt very calm, delivered a very appropriate consequence, and went on with my day. This idea came from a talk I heard on Sunday where a wonderful woman spoke to us about employing various techniques to keep us in wisdom's path.

Happy as a clam: Today ended so happily as a family, we went to my midwife appointment, went to the park, ate french fries, enjoyed the chill air, came home, took a nap, let the kids watch a movie they'd chosen at the library time. My daughter wanted to have our missed circle time at dinner and it went charming.

Still Sorrowing: I enjoyed some hubby time, but found myself crying at the emotional ebbs of the background music, sorrowing over my mistakes in parenting. I found myself pleading to the Lord to fix my mistakes of the past through His Son's blood, and keep me in the path of love in the future. I shun at the thought of future mistakes. I read "Raising your Spirited Child" again after these tears, which is written by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I felt great peace in doing so, and wrote the things I learned in my journal. I feel I have reached a point of humility where I and the Lord both know I can't do it alone and will even fail miserably. Because I have not forgotten that I need Him, He's kept my weakness at the forefront of my mind, reminded me in gentle ways of my vulnerability and need for Him, and taught me from scriptures, and "the best books." ("...seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best abooks words ofwisdom, seek learning even by study and also by faith; Doctrine and Covenants 109:7) Not that I've been perfect, I haven't, I've had my share of bloopers, but I feel I am at a good place. I like this sorrowing before hand much better. The Lord calls it Remembering. "6 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, you that belong to this church, have you sufficiently retained in aremembrance the captivity of your fathers? ... 26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a achange of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the bsong of redeeming love, I would ask, ccan ye feel so now?" Alma 5:6, 26

A real laugh and an "Aha": But I have to laugh because Kurcinka says "A guide for parents whose child is more"....intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic." I was talking to my mom on the phone and it dawned on me that I am a spirited woman trying to raise a spirited child. So, I couldn't stand a single scratchy item of clothing, wouldn't wear anything that 'popped up'. Could read my moms mind since the time I was four, and poked my brothers and sisters eyes when I got mad.... And somehow I had myself fooled into thinking I was the perfect child and deserved such a perfect child. Somehow my mom loved me so dearly and praised me so perfectly, that I thought I was her angel. Oh what a miracle it will be if I talk to my daughter, in future years and find she thinks, why can't I have a daughter just like me? Don't I deserve that? Then I will know I have succeeded, just like my mom has succeeded with me~ <3

Wrath, Apathy/ Carnal Security and Flattery

2011-01-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I feel bothered at how much I have to work on my weakness in wrath.
But I realized that everyone has their DAILY battles, and that Satan works with people in three ways... wrath, passiveness, and flattery.

20 For behold, at that day shall he arage in the bhearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.

21 And others will he apacify, and lull them away into carnal bsecurity, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus thecdevil dcheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.

22 And behold, others he aflattereth away, and telleth them there is no bhell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful cchains, from whence there is no deliverance.

I suppose my constant gopher popping up like that one carnival game, is anger...but today I triumphed in a small way..

We have this strap that we use to tie the children's door shut to the banister, since they outsmarted the child door knob lock.

Sometimes when Hazel, Milly and I are in the bedroom, Rawl will sneakily tie us all in the room. I HATE when he does this. It makes me LIVID!

Today, Rawl gleefully tied us all in. I felt an immediate surge of anger. LUCKILY, I quickly bowed my head and said a fast prayer. It was just what I needed to take off enough edge, ( I was still very peeved) to take advantage of the opportunity so we could all have our daily prayers. Then I thought of an appropriate punishment. So waiting for Rawl to untie it, I had him do something kind for me, sort the laundry. Then I calmly explained he had to be in his room, and explained some reasons why its unsafe and unkind to trap mother in the door.

Now is about time to let him out of the door....so I best post this. Maybe I should take a picture of the purple yoga strap that escalates my adrenalin!

:) So for all those of you who also are tempted in wrath, I wish you luck, and those of you whom Satan tempts with pacification and flattery, I hope that you beat down those gophers each day or week he gnaws on you in those manners!

:) Best! Emily

Love thy Neighbor as Thyself?

2011-01-02T16:51:00.001-08:00

(Mary Poppins and Bert/ Halloween 2008)

I LOVE education week!!! It is so Awesome!!! Its like Annual Conferences Latter Day Saints can enjoy every six months, filled with the words of the prophets inspiredly quoting scriptures we need to hear, and giving quality inspired apostolic counsel to the specific needs we have this day, butEducation week is the Saints APPLYING the gospel on various subjects of living and learning, and SOMETIMES, hearing a normal every day SAINT applying the gospel into their life, is ALL it takes to make a principle finally SINK in!!!

Well, one of my ALLSTARS/ CRUSHES this year, was a teacher by the last name of Goddard. He was all twinkley eyed, precious, loving, funny and insightful! ** His talk on marriage, made it finally sink in about the principle that TWO twain become ONE. I realized that husbands are not "another person's needs to meet", at the end of the day when you are exhausted and tired of meeting others needs, but they are as YOURSELF, twain flesh become ONE, and you DECIDE to treat them as YOURSELF! Surely, if I can squeeze energy to eat a cookie for MYSELF, or BROWSE the net, then can't I also SERVE "myself"; something small, rub his feet for ten minutes, LISTEN when he talks to me as a best friend. (Yes, sometimes I feel, "Stop talking to me, I want to just hear my own thoughts!") Seriously, I love my kids but when ole' Goddard spoke I realized I was treating Riley as my child, another kids needs to meet, so he was getting the short end of the stick sometimes, when I was like, I AM DONE meeting OTHERS NEEDS, I am exhausted. Capoot. Sleep. Or Self time.

So, as it turns out, Riley and I have been faithfully working on having baby 4. It has been nigh unto six months now. And another education week epiphany for me was in realizing that each 21 days, I map out my temperatures and other fertility factors, that I could diligently chart out my goal to treat Riley as myself, and making my love for him deep as the mercy I allow in my own mistakes. Last 21 day period started out strong, then I petered out. With another negative pregnancy test, I have repented of my fizzle, but this morning, I have dissapointment, that I am such a STINKING PERFECTIONIST!!! I canned last night but fell asleep, and Riley helped lovingly with the kids, and put away the food, but after I gave him a little cuddle when a head ache came on, I fell right asleep on the couch. He REMEMBERED to turn the pears off at 20 minutes, which saved us from having a pot of mushy pear bits and shards of glass this morning, but when I woke up and realized that he didn't also take them out, I was SOOOO annoyed!!! My pairs looked 'burny' because they steam-cooked all night! (My daughter's term). So I was so PEEVED that my sailor mouth even came out, and I am so annoyed too cause my goal to love Riley flew out the window too. Well, thus comes apologies, but I realize I am such a perfectionist. Riley pointed out that I gave my all to the things that mattered most yesterday. Good man, encouraging me while I treated him poorly, but I just have the hardest time rolling with the punches, and noticing what the good a man DID do, when I am so DISAPPOINTED!!! One batch of my pears sat in a sink for 3 hours because of a party I went to before I could finish, and this one got cooked all night, so I have only one out of three batches of pears that turned out, and alas! I am so sad. Is there any woman out there to feel my pain? Next year, hands down, I am doing homeschool one extra month in the summer and giving myself September JUST for canning! Take that Self!

:) I hope Riley has noticed the difference of my goal even still, and, I am thankful for many examples of how I see many of my great friends interact with their husbands that keeps me inspired and chomping at the bit to enjoy love, romance, friendship and strengthening one another!

Love thy Neighbor as Thyself?

2011-01-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

(Mary Poppins and Bert/ Halloween 2008)

My Freedom Ends Where Your Nose Begins

2011-01-02T16:49:00.002-08:00

So the other day, my neighbor, kind amazing raised eight children has a weed free farm garden, been the mayor of Orem--kinda hurt my feelings. She invited my children to play in their irrigation water, and when another girl whom she invited asked if Milly was going into kindergarten, and I told her she'd be doing homeschool, the girl replied "Thats cool." Well, the amazing, wonderful neighbor said emphatically, "No. That is NOT cool."

I was quite stupefied and had nothing to say...awkward silence type thing. The next day, as it was bothering me, I read some great scriptures and realized that usually if someone has an ill judgment of you, it is quite probable that they just don't truly understand, either your perspective, the situation, your intent, etc.

Well, I think its funny, because ever since this point, instead of feeling pressure to be extremely normal and accepted, it seems I have now the permission to be myself. I think, "Well, I seem wierd to her already, might as well just be myself. I can't possibly change to what I am supposed to be for her or anyone else, so might as well continue on just how I want to be! From that day, I have felt more free to just be who I am and not worry how others perceive me. For ill or for good.

Today has been one of those days where my soul has been clouded with anxieties. I prayed to the Lord to appease my soul. I read this scripture, and it brought me true peace:

Doctrine and Covenants

8 Organize yourselves; aprepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a bhouse of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of corder, a dhouse of God;

9 That your aincomings may be in the name of the Lord, that your outgoings may be in the name of the Lord, that all your salutations may be in the name of the Lord, with uplifted hands unto the Most High—

Also, I remembered the scripture I shared with Riley this morning before he went to work:

D&C 66: 10

" 10 Seek not to be acumbered..."

In the footnootes, cumbered refers you to Martha, who was careful and troubled over many things, but one thing was needful, and Mary had chosen that good part.

It is interesting that it says not to seek to be cumbered. Why we sometimesseek feelings rather than peace is a whole new can of worms, but I sought and felt peace at this point knowing I had just me to worry about. Today managing me has been hard enough, but I need certainly not cumber myself with other feelings of others, which is not my business. Straighten out me, make sure my actions and thoughts are aright, thats my only concern.

My mother in law once told me that what other people think of me, is not my business. That is something very hard to master, but its so true. For the rest of the day, I will let the Lord bring my own house, (body) and my home, peace, like I feel right now. :)

I have but one home to worry over, and one person in that home to control, (others only to guide and steer) but control only--myself.

My Freedom Ends Where Your Nose Begins

2011-01-02T16:49:00.001-08:00

Today has been one of those days where my soul has been clouded with anxieties. I prayed to the Lord to appease my soul. I read this scripture, and it brought me true peace:

Doctrine and Covenants

Also, I remembered the scripture I shared with Riley this morning before he went to work:

D&C 66: 10

" 10 Seek not to be acumbered..."

In the footnootes, cumbered refers you to Martha, who was careful and troubled over many things, but one thing was needful, and Mary had chosen that good part.

I have but one home to worry over, and one person in that home to control, (others only to guide and steer) but control only--myself.

Part of Maintaining my 'House', is Offering Brotherly Love

2011-01-02T16:47:00.000-08:00

Studying this morning, I realize my post from yesterday needs some balance. And it is the most delicate balance of all. Part of keeping our own 'house' in order, is to love and serve others. But to love and serve, without infringing on other's agency, can sometimes be such a difficult line to walk.

As President Monson, prophet of this dispensation teaches, we are our brother's keeper. Not in charge of other's actions, and choices, yet still he explains it is our privledge to love and serve them.

Ensign » 1990 » May

My Brother’s Keeper

President Thomas S. Monson

"Joy turns to sadness as we learn of Abel’s tragic death at the hands of his brother Cain. Chapters of counsel, lessons for living, guidance from God are found in one brief verse: “And the Lord said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen. 4:9.)...

In the touching account of the good Samaritan, Jesus teaches vividly the interpretation of the lesson, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matt. 19:19.) Answered effectively is the haunting question, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”....

An entire vista of opportunity is unfolded to our view when we contemplate the magnitude of King Benjamin’s admonition, recorded in the Book of Mormon: “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.” (Mosiah 2:17.)...

Let us for a moment join Captain Edward Martin and the handcart company he led. While we will not feel the pangs of hunger which they felt or experience the bitter cold that penetrated their weary bodies, we will emerge from our visit with a better appreciation of hardship borne, courage demonstrated, and faith fulfilled. We will witness with tear-filled eyes a dramatic answer to the question “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

“The handcarts moved on November 3 and reached the river, filled with floating ice. To cross would require more courage and fortitude, it seemed, than human nature could muster. Women shrank back and men wept. Some pushed through, but others were unequal to the ordeal.

“ ‘Three eighteen-year-old boys belonging to the relief party came to the rescue; and to the astonishment of all who saw, carried nearly every member of that ill-fated handcart company across the snow-bound stream. The strain was so terrible, the exposure so great, that in later years all the boys died from the effects of it. When President Brigham Young heard of this heroic act, he wept like a child, and later declared publicly, “That act alone will ensure C. Allen Huntington, George W. Grant, and David P. Kimball an everlasting salvation in the Celestial Kingdom of God, worlds without end.” ’ ” (LeRoy R. Hafen and Ann W. Hafen, Handcarts to Zion, Glendale, Calif.: The Arthur H. Clark Co., 1960, pp. 132–33.)

Our service to others may not be so dramatic, but we can bolster human spirits, clothe cold bodies, feed hungry people, comfort grieving hearts, and lift to new heights precious souls.

Junius Burt of Salt Lake City, a longtime worker in the Streets Department, related a touching and inspirational experience. He declared that on a cold winter morning, the street cleaning-crew of which he was a member was removing large chunks of ice from the street gutters. The regular crew was assisted by temporary laborers who desperately needed the work. One such wore only a lightweight sweater and was suffering from the cold. A slender man with a well-groomed beard stopped by the crew and asked the worker, “You need more than that sweater on a morning like this. Where is your coat?” The man replied that he had no coat to wear. The visitor then removed his own overcoat, handed it to the man and said, “This coat is yours. It is heavy wool and will keep you warm. I just work across the street.” The street was South Temple. The Good Samaritan who walked into the Church Administration Building to his daily work and without his coat was President George Albert Smith of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His selfless act of generosity revealed his tender heart. Surely he was his brother’s keeper...

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matt. 6:19–21.)...

We have no way of knowing when our privilege to extend a helping hand will unfold before us. The road to Jericho each of us travels bears no name, and the weary traveler who needs our help may be one unknown. Altogether too frequently, the recipient of kindness shown fails to express his feelings, and we are deprived of a glimpse of greatness and a touch of tenderness that motivates us to go and do likewise.....

The desire to help another, the quest for the lost sheep, may not always yield success at once. On occasion progress is slow—even indiscernible. Such was the experience of my longtime friend Gil Warner. He was serving as a newly called bishop when “Douglas,” a member of his ward, transgressed and was deprived of his Church membership. Father was saddened; Mother was totally devastated. Douglas soon thereafter moved from the state. The years hurried by, but Bishop Warner, now a member of a high council, never ceased to wonder what had become of Douglas.

In 1975, I attended the stake conference of the Parleys stake and held a priesthood leadership meeting early on the Sunday morning. I spoke of the Church discipline system and the need to labor earnestly and lovingly to rescue any who had strayed. Gil Warner asked to speak and then outlined the story of Douglas. He concluded with the question, “Who has the responsibility to work with Douglas and bring him back to Church membership?” Gil advised me later that my response to his question was direct and given without hesitation: “It is your responsibility, Gil, for you were his bishop, and he knew you cared.”

Unbeknownst to Gil Warner, Douglas’s mother had, the previous week, fasted and prayed that a man would be raised up to help save her son. Gil discovered this when he felt prompted to call her to report his determination to be of help.

Gil began his odyssey of redemption. Douglas was contacted by him. Old times, happy times, were remembered. Testimony was expressed, love was conveyed, and confidence instilled. The pace was excruciatingly slow. Discouragement frequently entered the scene; but, step by step, Douglas made headway. At long last prayers were answered, efforts rewarded, and victory attained. Douglas was approved for baptism.

The baptismal date was set, family members gathered, and former bishop Gil Warner flew to Seattle for the occasion. Can we appreciate the supreme joy felt by Bishop Warner as he, dressed in white, stood with Douglas in water waist-deep and, raising his right arm to the square, repeated those sacred words, “Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.” (D&C 20:73.)

He that was lost was found. A 26-year mission, marked by love and pursued with determination, had been successfully completed. Gil Warner said to me, “This was one of the greatest days of my life. I know the joy promised by the Lord when He declared, ‘And if it so be that you should labor all your days … and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!’ ” (D&C 18:15.)

Were the Lord to say to Gil Warner today, as He said to Adam’s son long years ago, “Where is Douglas, thy brother?” Bishop Warner could reply, “I am my brother’s keeper, Lord. Behold Douglas, thy son.”...

My quest is to "Mind My Own Business" so to speak, in Minding only what God thinks, and those speaking with the Holy Spirit of God. (1 Nephi 6:5Wherefore, the things which are apleasing unto the world I do not write, but the things which are pleasing unto God and unto those who are not of the world. ) But then to Keep As My Business, and in ordering my own 'house', My Brothers, to Be My Brother's Keeper, with out interferring with their agency, not to control, but to love, and to serve in the ways they need, and in the manner that uplifts them....And in fact, it is my prayer today that I might love those around me, no matter what they think of me, perceive my motives to be, or if they are indifferent or even abivilant towards me. The Lord will help me to love by his divine grace. And then I will find great joy and peace of mind.

Why all the Bad News?

2011-01-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

I realized that I only post when I have had bad moments on this blog, which I wonder if could be somewhat depressing, and not very telling of all the joy and good that my days encompass. This negative posting, is because in my struggles, I write in my journal, and God teaches me, and then, for further accountability and growth, I post my feelings on this my accountability blog. Many joyful moments, countless triumphs, are not celebrated and recorded. On my run, it occurred to me, that the cycle that I go through is indeed the pride cycle which is identified through out scriptures. Modern apostle Russel M. Ballard, explains why this pride cycle can be identified through sacred books in his talk, Learning the Lessons of the Past, Ensign 2009:

"You don’t have to be a Latter-day Saint—you don’t even have to be religious—to see the repeating pattern of history in the lives of God’s children as recorded in the Old Testament. Time and again we see the cycle of righteousness followed by wickedness. Similarly, the Book of Mormon records that ancient civilizations of this continent followed exactly the same pattern: righteousness followed by prosperity, followed by material comforts, followed by greed, followed by pride, followed by wickedness and a collapse of morality until the people brought calamities upon themselves sufficient to stir them up to humility, repentance, and change."

For my own journey with the pride cycle, I realize that a difficult circumstance arises that I don't handle well. Here in I turn gravely to the Lord in penitant repentance, and faithful pleadings for help to change. I then experience a period of magnified help and gifted patience, while I exercise focused repeated petitionings, with faith etc. Then, after things start to go really well, I begin to feel that the patience and skills come naturally, and I forget to petition Him so consistently, or at least as penitently. It is then that I fall once more and realize that am utterly dependent on Him in my life.

To avoid the fall of the pride cycle, Russel M. Ballard invites us to study humbly the teachings of the Lord.

"Our Heavenly Father loves all of His children, and He wants them all to have the blessings of the gospel in their lives. Spiritual light is not lost because God turns His back on His children. Rather, spiritual darkness results when His children turn their collective backs on Him. It is a natural consequence of bad choices made by individuals, communities, countries, and entire civilizations. This has been proven again and again throughout the course of time. One of the great lessons of this historical pattern is that our choices, both individually and collectively, do result in spiritual consequences for ourselves and for our posterity....

With all my heart I hope and pray that you will be wise enough to learn the lessons of the past. You don’t have to spend time as a Laman or a Lemuel in order to know that it’s much better to be a Nephi or a Jacob. You don’t have to follow the path of Cain or Gadianton in order to realize that “wickedness never was happiness” (Alma 41:10). And you don’t have to allow your community to become like Sodom or Gomorrah in order to understand that it isn’t a good place to raise a family.

Learning the lessons of the past allows you to walk boldly in the light without running the risk of stumbling in the darkness."

For me, keeping remembrance in the forefront of my mind has to come from more than just reading the scriptures, but reading the scriptures with an attitude that the words will rescue me in the truth they bring. I have to become as Paul, and remember that the thorn in my side, so to speak, is not given for me to fall, but to instead remember that I need Him, and to be able to have access to his grace. ( 2 Cor 12:7-9) 7 And lest I should be aexaltedabove measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a bthorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My agrace is sufficient for thee: for my bstrength is made perfect in cweakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may drest upon me."

Lately, as I have felt weak I have thought on this scripture, written by Paul. Romans 5:3-5 " And not only so, but we glory in atribulations also: knowing that btribulation worketh cpatience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5 And ahope maketh not ashamed; because the blove of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Thinking on this scripture has helped me to hang on to patience with the hope it will bring me confidence in the Lord. It has helped immensely.

When shopping at a local thrift store, I saw a cute little book. After I picked it up, I realized that it was an Al-Anon book with a daily quote to read to keep one in the right way. I felt that the spirit had sent it to me, to read a small quote each day, though I have no struggle with alcohol, to remind me gently that my weakness is with me each day and that I must depend on the Lord.

Also, an extremely helpful thing to do which has helped keep me in the light, and far from falling in my temper, has been to follow Apostle Eyring's bidding, to write down even a snippet each day of how the Lord's hand has been witnessed in my life. Sometimes, I write down a darling thing my child has said, sometimes I write down an amazing way that the Lord has had a hand in my life, and most often how His Hand has woven quite naturally a teaching, a blessing, a gift, or a help, natural, but still amazing if aknowledged and discerned. Usually, I think I will remember, but when I don't write it down, the event can be lost from memory from anywhere of a day, to a week. Following Elder Eyring's admonition has been a poweful way for me to deeply remember that I need my Savior and his guiding Love and Help through out every day and has enhanced even my sleep as I fall to sleep with a content and grateful heart in remembering his help, even in trial, for me to grow and be happy.

"Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. Oh Remember, Remember: Ensign 2007, Henry B. Eyring.

The Lamb and the Lion

2011-01-02T16:39:00.001-08:00

Today, while I was taking the sacrament, and repenting over a slip of this week, the Holy Spirit, whispered to my spirit, a promise.
Here was my self dialogue. "How do we really change, we talk so much about change, it seems so complicated."

"Oh, yes, Faith in the Savior, I know the answer, its BELIEF, its FAITH, in Him."

The Spirit then whispered to my heart, "If you have Faith in Christ, I will make your weakness a Strength. I will help you be as gentle as Lamb, and the Lion in you, will be for me, in Boldly pronouncing truth." I knew, that the Lion would not be a scary Lion, coming out at the wrong times.

"Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them theiraweakness. I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and mycgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweakthings become strong unto them.

As I sat there, I believed in my Lord, I put my Faith in His promise, communicated by the Holy Ghost, to my heart and mind. I knew my weakness, in coming to the Lord, will become my strength, and how joyfully I will be to live in peace as a lamb, but have the ability to be the Lion when God needs a fearless woman to impart truth. Christ's atoning grace changing me from the lion that comes out and produces fearful children.

I realize, that to change me, God has to do two things, teach me skills for different ways, and then ability beyond my own to perform and accomplish those newly learned skills.

Here is what he guided me tonight, Charlotte Mason says on teaching a child " Habit of Sweet Temper" --Mother should "change the child's thoughts before ever the bad temper has had time to develop into conscious feeling, much less act."

She talks of watching the child and perceiving their feelings, and diverting them gives them a tool they can use, self diversion to a positive venue, to guard their virtue.

Instead of punishing, help them change a bad habit, into a good habit, contrary to the bad action. This takes a loving and patient, consistent attentive watchful eye over the course of six weeks to train their brains to a new thought pattern and set of actions. So for example Rawl approaches Hazel to steal her blanket, have him run go get her a toy, or I am noticing my patience is waning, so I go outside and do a cartwheel, and sing my favorite song, diverting my unreasonable thinking enough to think of a higher way!

Philip. 4: 13 I can do all things through aChrist which bstrengthenethme.

So for the next six weeks, for a 'sweet temper' which I usually have, but that I want to have in the worst moments of all, sweet, but firm, and assertive, (She says to parents, "Its enough to to say, 'Do this', in a quiet tone, an authoritative tone, and expect it to be done." )I will be:

Chang[ing] [MY] thoughts before ever the bad temper has had time to develop into conscious feeling, much less act."

Somethin's Gotta Change!

2011-01-02T16:39:00.000-08:00

Does it HAVE to be me????

YES!!!! I told Riley things were just not working with Milly and that I couldn't bear being with her this much anymore. I felt like I could really damage our relationship. It felt like Chinese torture, and I would be patient time after time, and then after so many patient, holding back episodes I would get snappy at her, and occasionally say something like she was being a brat, or another label such as ungrateful. An exaspurated raised voice was occuring nearly everyday which didn't feel good to feel uncontrolled and to feel like a bad mother. Fortunately saying some label was occuring very occasionally, but the work involved was giving me majorly tight shoulders every single day which gave Riley sore fingers in rubbing my back!

I didn't want to let go of my idea to homeschool her till third grade, and really felt this was about her more than me at this point, she always came home extremely stressed and demanding after social situations so I knew she needed extra coaching and guidance to help her be successful. I had prayed about it many times and felt very right about this decision to let her enjoy the safety and coaching of a mother's arms to prepare her for the worldly challenges ahead, and strengthen her till she was more ready to stand on her own two feet. But then I felt this snapping point and thought, this has to be about me, and I don't want to be with her that much. I won't be. I don't want to hurt her and I am going crazy.

I realized something had to change. I knew that I was already using a lot of help from the Lord so I didn't see how it could be me. That night I woke up at 2:30 and I had an impression. I needed to do the twelve step program, you know AA, or Over Eater's Anonymous. So I started on step one : I am helpless in this problem and COMPLETELY need the Lord, from LDS Family Services, Addiction Recovery Program. Luckily, I studied it and then went back to sleep.

That morning on my run, I plead on my run to forgive and thus erase all resentment in my mind, resentment I held in not having the first child I thought I wanted, expected and or deserved. And resentment for being so different than myself.

As I studied the scriptures, the Lord told me "and lo, I will be with them even to the END."

"And he who is FAITHFUL shall overcome all things..." I knew that if I kept turning to the Lord in this weakness of keeping my temper, the Lord would help me overcome.

During the day the Lord gave me an impression that was so beautiful and helpful. He told me that he is so easily able to love us in our most repetitive weaknesses, because, beyond feeling our magnificent worth, also, he saw us much past the weakness, he saw us as getting past and over the problems, he saw us eternally. I realized I could see her as a grateful and happy girl, really and truly, that she would be someday, and that this was only a temporary working through an abberation to her character. That was a powerful thing for me, and I know that it will help me not think things, that could come out in hurtful words, if I never even view her as such things as unhappy and ungrateful, etc.

Yesterday I did some more writing in Step 1. Weakness is a tender mercy of the Lord? Yes, I realized the Lord gives us weakness in addition to having weakness from lack of experience and that it is our strength and our gift, so we would not be isolated, that we would use the help of other people and more especially our God. This weakness is a beautiful gift given so that we can be connected. Connecting with the power of the atonement and Christ's grace, gives us giant ability that given our amount of experience and skills, we could never achieve with out him. If we weren't weak, we wouldn't feel the need to connect, and be able to become so much bigger than we feasibley could be alone. Our children need us, we need mentors, friends and parents, and most especially, our God whom we are connected to through our Savior who mediates between our lack of perfection, so that we can unite with our Heavenly Father. Essentially, we all need each other. Together we are strong.

Facing this conflict head on with admitting I need utter help from God is the only way. Public or private schooling would not provide just time away, it would also add other pressures. It may be the best answer for me for some point, but it isn't for right now. Right now, I must face my biggest demons, head on, to be able to sucessfully follow the answers God has given us for right now in our journey.

Listening to a parenting book on tape called Smart Love, I realized that those weakened moments of fatigue and etc. shouldn't be sweated over, because they are the exception, not the rule. Like a beautiful tapestry with a few hanging strings doesn't ruin the art piece.

I feel it is different with Milly, if you are familiar with Danny Saunders, he is the main character in The Chosen. There have been two or three times that I have said something dreadful to Milly, and I can't remember what that was. With most children, I think it would sluff off because it is so rare, that it doesn't even sink in. But my child has like a photgraphic memory, and I am not saying this to brag. Ever since she has been small, she has been told something and remembered it. Though at these moments, and I literally remember this feeling like twice of saying something very hurtful and damaging, I prayed and prayed the grace of the Lord could help erase them away, for Milly and her most amazing mind, I am worried that they will stay with her, or have stayed with her. I do believe in the power of the atonement to heal, but if I need to hold her in my arms more, spend more time with her, praise, approve and cherish her more as part of her healing, then the Lord will guide me.

In The Chosen, Danny Saunders does not speak to his son. This seems abusive on the outside perspective, but I can see the wisdom in this for a son with a mind as he has. I believe that my duty to Milly is to be silent, completely silent in those moments when I am feeling any type of emotion with her behavior, because she will attatch them to her own self worth. She is also the most brilliant child in making inferences I have ever met. This message was reaffirmed to me on Sunday during the lesson, when we studied Robert D. Hale's talk on showing Christian courage in times of opposition. We decided as a group that sometimes saying nothing was the best thing possible.

I am commiting to study and thereby learn from the parents, friends and mentors God puts in my path to help me. Parenting books are terrible, in that the emotions you go through in parenting linger as you study how to be better, and it is difficult to do, especially when you seek a 'break'. But I only get this chance once, and I am commiting to do this. And obviously, I will study in balance. So far this balance is that I am listening on tape so I can still be doing something of my choice while I listen. And I am still going to sew by gum! This blogging will help me stay commited as I report my learning. I am learning in Smart Love, what is developmentally appropriate for each age, as well as why children may have a hard time experiencing joy, and thus why they might complain in those moments you are doing your best to serve them. This can be created partly from our own discipline which they read as perfect love, and so they feel that to feel loved is to feel punished. Harsh. I can take it. I can love more, and I can discipline better! I can learn!

Milly is my gift to realize I am utterly helpless without the Lord to raise her, and really my other children are all part of that same gift, they each take their turn of wearing me down. We are going to hold hands into the eternities. They will help me, and I will help her, and together we will learn to use the help of the Lord.

Milly is a beautiful, special and amazing child, and I cherish her with all my heart. I will change through more humility and more learning that I will not only preserve this infinately important relationship, but that I will be priveleged to help her blossom as the most intriguing and contributing flower of love, friendship, power, worth and beauty. I will take each day step by step, and listen closely as the Lord guides me to what will be best for her. I will hold the Lord's hand tightly.

Half a Tree

2011-01-02T16:37:00.001-08:00

We had the best adventure ever picking our tree, almost too much for a non-thrill seeker such as myself. You wouldn't believe the mud that we went through, that I heroically cleaned...

The Lord provided a few tender mercies this season. One was the most blessed family did the twelve days of Christmas for us. This melted my worried and tense heart, from financial and school burdens which were weighing me down. And this blessing coincided with a tender mercy afforded by my sparce tree.

When we chopped it in its entirety, it was a charm. Sawing off the bottom branches, swiped out a good 1/3 of the tree, because those branches swept up, upwards to five feet.

Every time I looked at it, I felt agitated. I had a tree last year that was a Charley with character. I wanted a beautiful tree this year. My dissatisfaction was dampening every Christmas charm that could come my way.

I thought of all the lessons I could learn from this tree being half gone, and they irritated me. Really I could learn those things other ways! I was upset at Riley for cutting them off, because there was a good foot that the tree had from reaching the ceiling. As far as I was concerned those bottom branches shouldn't have been cut off! I was angry at other dissapointments with Riley's career that were all coming in on me.

"I plead to the Lord, I really balled and said I need your help so this tree won't get on my last nerve, or any nerve, please help it to be beautiful to me!!"

He did it, somehow, and at first, when I looked at the tree, I pictured the rest of it was hiding behind the couch. And it helped me think, focus on the positives that others (mainly Riley) has, don't focus on what people lack.

Then, I got to the point, where when I looked at the tree, it didn't look like anything was missing at all. And it filled me with wonder, peace and magic each time I looked at it.

Those twelve days of Christmas kept coming into our little humble house, and each day was full, some moments I stressed out and was mean and gnarly and awful, but mostly I was so incredibley happy.

The day I took the tree down, I wept through the whole process. Feeling the tender mercies of the Lord through our generous benefactors that gave us date night out, a turkey, food storage, and reigndeer poop, the most delicious I've yet tasted, as well as remembering treasured time with my little ones, family memories, crafting, and enjoying the spirit of Christ, I literally loved my half of tree, and this blessed season.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, for giving me half a tree.

A few ropes are needed.

We pushed the couches really close, and one has to admit, the tree, had its charm:

Half a Tree

2011-01-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

We had the best adventure ever picking our tree, almost too much for a non-thrill seeker such as myself. You wouldn't believe the mud that we went through, that I heroically cleaned...

When we chopped it in its entirety, it was a charm. Sawing off the bottom branches, swiped out a good 1/3 of the tree, because those branches swept up, upwards to five feet.

"I plead to the Lord, I really balled and said I need your help so this tree won't get on my last nerve, or any nerve, please help it to be beautiful to me!!"

Then, I got to the point, where when I looked at the tree, it didn't look like anything was missing at all. And it filled me with wonder, peace and magic each time I looked at it.

Those twelve days of Christmas kept coming into our little humble house, and each day was full, some moments I stressed out and was mean and gnarly and awful, but mostly I was so incredibley happy.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, for giving me half a tree.

A few ropes are needed.

We pushed the couches really close, and one has to admit, the tree, had its charm:

What my New Year's Resolution is NOT!

2011-01-02T16:28:00.001-08:00

!#?#!!!*#

Ok, so, I have to admit when I get very angry, I am known to swear. Which is rather strange, because as a youth, my mouth was basically squeaky clean. I never swore to be cool, and can remember just about a handful my whole growing up years. But being a mother, has brought on more pressure than ever known to my life before, and in my heatestly steamiest moments, I am known to slip. Either in my mind, under my breath, or loud and clear! So two years ago I made the resolution, not to ever again. I gathered some really cute words, some of which I really used to say, "Crumbs!" Lemons! Cranberries!" (To remind me every sour situation has its sweet and is therefore not all that bad) Well, the year went by without success. So I made the goal again. AND my swearing reached unpresidented levels! I think this goal has contradicted itself, canceled out, and raged forth a worse habit. So far, out of some miracle, my children haven't ever said a swear word. I have prayed that they not remember the words I said, when I have. But I can only rely on God's grace in this so long, the habit has to be curtailed. So, I am NOT going to make a goal not to swear!--that doesn't seem to work. My subconscience thinks it is missing out on something great, and rebels. Alright subconscience, you have a choice on the matter, and frankly, I think you'll strive the better part. No forcing, coercing, straining or compelling my subconscience for now on!

Now, you may think, swearing is not that big of a deal, and you are right! There are worse things, more offensive to the Lord. But swearing for me is about controlling my anger, and controlling my anger is about preserving relationships, because I recently swore twice at my own daughter!

I have humbled myself this year, and decided to start by really getting to the root of the problem: ANGER. Maybe in the summer I can find a community class, and find more great talks at Education week too. But for now, to get started I did a search at byutv.org, 'anger management', there are a number of talks on the subject, so I started off with my first.
What it taught were these two keys:

Key 1: Meet the needs before they reach crisis levels. "Sin is a misguided attempt to meet a legitimate need."

(Cooling Your Hot Buttons: Principles and...
Mark Chamberlain
Families Under Fire 2002)

"Jesus saw sin was wrong, but was also able to see sin as springing from deep unmet needs on the part of the sinner...we need to be able to look deeply enough into the lives of others [including ourselves] to see the basic causes for their failures and short comings." President Spencer W. Kimball (former Prophet)

Developing empathy for ourselves and others helps us look, what is wrong here, are my feelings being hurt, am I feeling embarrassed, etc. Anger is a mask for the real emotion, (this I discovered from a talk also on byutv.org, unfortunately, is was background noise, and I cant reference this info)

Also, if we find out what the real need is, and meet that need, that is prevention. And as the quote directs, how helpful can this be in developing empathy, when we realize that the way another is acting, is merely another unfound solution for how they are feeling?

So, I must play the scientist, and figure out my needs, often a nice fat prayer where I feel his love surround me could fit the bill.

Key 2: "To focus on changing behavior is to begin too far into the chain of events." (Mark Chamberlain)

"The Lord works from inside out. The world works from the outside in...The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." President Ezra Taft Benson (former Prophet)

Chamberlain shows a plane orbiting the earth from far away, and a plane orbiting close up, and then crash! I was making the goal to pray right when I was mad, but I see from this, that how much more effective to correct the coarse much further from the crash. Letting the Lord change our very natures is a large chunk to chew, especially for a New Year's goal. But I wrote down some things that I can start to see differently, the long term goal of having the Lord slowly change my very nature, with an emergency goal to notice I need help long before crisis point and to ask the Lord's help in what hasn't yet been changed in my nature, and adjusted in my attitude/perspective adjustments. (For example, taking the lid off the pot long before boils are about to rupture.)

I have been working on this aspect of me for some time, and surely making some progress, but for the New Year, this being my first study in anger management, here's a little noted progress:

A librarian called to tell me I had to pay for a ripped page on a book, that we taped, that we wouldn't of had to pay for if the rip had been left alone, for them to use their special book ripping tape. I was so happy, I rather in a defensive raised tone of voice I admitt, said "We'd be happy to pay for the book." I explained in an assertively kind voice that I wasn't aware of that stipulation and perhaps they should let the general public know as they get their library cards.

I said "Dam---pers!" When the phone rang when my kids were sleeping, and I am really praying the word "POP!" which explains a burstful feeling, will come to mind each time something takes me by uwanted surprise....

And, frankly, I thought some swear words. This is a process for me, joy, challenge, an adventure in the journey, right? ;) wink

What my New Year's Resolution is NOT!

2011-01-02T16:28:00.000-08:00

!#?#!!!*#

Key 1: Meet the needs before they reach crisis levels. "Sin is a misguided attempt to meet a legitimate need."

(Cooling Your Hot Buttons: Principles and...
Mark Chamberlain
Families Under Fire 2002)

So, I must play the scientist, and figure out my needs, often a nice fat prayer where I feel his love surround me could fit the bill.

Key 2: "To focus on changing behavior is to begin too far into the chain of events." (Mark Chamberlain)

"The Lord works from inside out. The world works from the outside in...The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." President Ezra Taft Benson (former Prophet)

I have been working on this aspect of me for some time, and surely making some progress, but for the New Year, this being my first study in anger management, here's a little noted progress:

And, frankly, I thought some swear words. This is a process for me, joy, challenge, an adventure in the journey, right? ;) wink

Our House with a Red Door, so far: A little story.

2011-01-02T16:25:00.001-08:00

There is a strange yellow light that almost has a green tint to it, making the 9:00 p.m. sky brightly eery. It has to do with the tornado watch weather...now the sky is turning a hint rosey-brown. The air has a pulling muggy feel, that keeps our bread tender soft and turns our crispy cookies into a melt in your mouth crumble affair. The last trimester is setting in and these last six weeks seem to stretch in a looming laugh on the horizon, I have to exercise at night (not hardly as likely)...or I am in pain all day long.

My Minnesotan white siding house with gabled windows and cheery red door is day by day becoming all the cozier; a tidy and orderly simplified, organized, fresh air happy haven, except in the bathroom where the potty puddles on the toilet back are growing along with the side boards accumulating dust and hair. I sweep through the house each night like a little white tornado to awake each morning to clean empty corners in each room, the pillows straight and the counters empty and clear with the sunshine of our yellow dining room with new table and chairs....but...as of yet the white tornado skips over the bathroom every time. The tub has frequented a few hot lavender bubble baths and the dental floss, rubber bands and barrettes all have their own little homes there in the cupboard, quite satisfactory.

Last night, I had to chuckle when Milly asked "Can I sneak a piece of chicken?" The night before I had to laugh when Hazel confided to us that if our unborn child, 'Baby Bean' turns out to be a boy...she'll die; and although Rawl leaves terrible first impressions to whomever he meets of a nightmarish disobedient fire-cracker, he's been making his bed on his own accord every morning, saying his prayers with the slight hint of my song, "Ere you left your room this morning...did you think to...(pray)".... and he starts praying....he's getting dressed and brushing teeth like a machine, giving me a very violent high five for all of the above, and teasing and hitting in very minimal levels.

We all enjoy our laundry 'shoop' and now, each child has their own bucket which they take to their room where they stuff each clothing item in the right shoe box in their drawer...no we aren't folding now and I am loving this new system. Baby Bean shakes my belly like an earthquake and the kids can't wait to go to the zoo. I got a library card and we'll try to go rowing as a family again tomorrow if the wind doesn't thwart our plan again. Riley's clothes take up more room in our closet than mine and Christ is my triumphant Savior each new day. We finally started reading scriptures as a family again at night and saying family prayers, so we are off to a good start here in the little Minnesotan home with a happy red door.

Our House with a Red Door, So Far: A little story.

2011-01-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

Memories

2011-01-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

The last little while that Riley and I spent with our family were truly treasured times.

This was such a sweet outing taken with our Balling parents:

We enjoyed feeding pizza to the seagulls, playing in the sand, exploring the visitor's center with the children delighting in each thing they saw, buying kites and hunting for Buffalo in the rain.

(Buka brought these great sand diggers and Bubba had the super fun idea of throwing pizza to the birds who in many instances caught it mid-air).

The last trip we took to Monticello the children 'helped' Grandad build his tree house for Elena, and while Riley and the kids went fishing I got to spend some quality time talking to my mom and cutting out material for Eirene's picnic quilt. Mom and Dad, Sariah and Elena also made it possible for Riley and I to spend the night away! :)

(This lake is an ideal one for grand kids---they all caught fish!)

It was nice having some last campfires in our backyard that family were so nice to come join us in, and our last little hike was a real treat for me with all my siblings joining and contributing in a barbecue and last campfire...its hardto explain just how much this meant to me and how much fun I had.

I was so glad too that Riley's brother Ted and his wife Aundi could come back from their trip so we could have one last hoopla with the Ballings all there and it was so fun for me to see Riley joking and having fun with Kayla, Mom and Kristie, and having stimulating and interesting discussion with Ted, and I enjoyed my sisters in law's company so much, as well as everyone else's. Buka made the cutest cake for Hazel on her birthday and helped make it a very special day for her with a special table cloth and a bunny that sang happy birthday, as well as giving her new favorite yellow outfit that Kristie helped to choose. While Buka helped watch the kids, I sewed Hazel's yellow haired doll a new yellow dress. (Hazel's favorite color is yellow.)

(We played a game of yellow rover (instead of Red Rover) where the kids had to run through and break a yellow streamer, and my favorite moment was when all three kids were smiling, holding hands, running all at the same time, of course once they broke through, Hazel fell down, and then there were tears, but this is a great snap shot of Riley catching Hazel in a hug on her turn.)

Then it was a real help to have so much support for our move, Riley's folks hosted our kids at their house both for our flight out to Minnesota to find a home...

(Riley and I enjoying the water in Minnesota)

...and his parents watched the children later while Riley studied and visited, and I could get back and pack/clean and work on my couch. Miriam came to help me cover my cushions which for some reason was so important to me that I could have new couches in my new home that I worked like a mad woman at all my moving tasks to have a few moments for decorating-couch upholstering--before I left. Then Miriam helped on moving day too with the last minute cleaning which was a huge support, while Eirene nobley watched our kids. Ben and Allan were an immense help moving our things into the truck.

...Then it was goodbyes for all, hugs, love, tears, and I cried saying goodbye to the mountains while the kids said they were just excited. The trip out was wonderful as I got to spend time with my parents, and Riley's Dad was an immense help in the moving truck switching off driving with Riley. The Balling's amazing work ethic had us unloaded from the truck by noon, and Rawl enjoyed Bubba (Grandpa) pulling him down the moving truck's ramp in a wagon. Mom called Dad a 'Machine' the way he got all our food storage from the back yard, organized and dusted by me, mightily transferred into our basement while Riley and his Dad got lunch at the grocery store. My Dad was dripping with sweat and as pleased as punch at his manly efforts. The children enjoyed a last magic carpet ride from Grandad, and after a trip to the park, and icecream from Bubba, it was a welcome goodnight and a sad goodbye!

We are so thankful for all the immense help, we couldn't have done it without you all! We are so thankful for all these last memories, and most of all, to be missed and loved by all of you means the world to me! We love you and miss you so too, and wish that God will be with you till we meet again! May we be as Ammon in the Book of Mormon when he meets with his four beloved brethren who were all busy doing missionary work while they separated, and may we like them, all joyfully embrace when we meet again and rejoice as they did that each of us have been on the Lord's errand, and have all grown in the Lord during our time apart! :) :) :) (Alma 27:16-20)

A Journal Post

2011-01-02T16:22:00.002-08:00

I decided to type this journal entry as it appears in my journal.

In life we make many decisions, and though prayerfully, often times we do what we feel is best and the Lord opens doors when the decision is right. As the decision pressed on my mind, whether to move to Minnesota before or after our baby's birth I would find myself crying in fear, not knowing what could possibly be best as both decisions had large benefits and large drawbacks.

After I had been praying sometime about whether we should move to Minnesota before or after the baby's birth, I finally realized what the desires of my heart were. First, and most poignant, I realized how very important it was to me to have everyone be able to visit me and see the baby and to come to the baby blessing. To take my mother in law up on her wonderful offer to watch the kids while Riley left for the bar and enjoy the tranquility of less stress and maybe just some time with baby and I; to have my mom so close and ready to come in the chance Riley wasn't there for the birth. To lounge on the beach of Bear Lake a few times, to go out to Monticello for a few trips. This family time, love and support I realized was the top priority of my heart.

I realized secondly, whether selfish or not, that my projects came second priority. I had made a map of getting my foam suits sewn for Emergency Preparedness so that I could move my family to such a cold climate with more faith that we'd never freeze. To then treat myself to covering both my couches, and then to knit during my last trimester wool mittens. I would have my packing all done on a slow and steady basis to relieve stress and physical strain.

Thirdly, and sometimes these considerations were volatile, but the issue of money, and cheaper rent here, somewhat of an income, and a cheaper birthing plan.

After realizing these three priorities I talked to Riley about them, and he realized he too wanted to stay through till after the birth. His top priority was in taking the bar without distraction and it brought great peace to him in knowing that if I was to go into labor while he was taking the bar, that I would be fully taken care of by both moms.

Secondly, Riley's priority was spending time with family and he really wanted to invest a good chunk of time to this priority before we left for far away.

So after making this decision and letting it rest with us over a week or two, I prayed about it in our nightly prayer. We told the Lord that we felt really good about this decision and that it brought us great peace. My dear friend from Canada had recently told me she could come visit if we stayed later and this was the final kicker for me and I was ready to take the decision to the Lord.

I prayed and told the Lord that this was our decision, and that he would fill us with peace if this decision were right for us. I asked that if there were considerations we weren't considering that He would bring those to the forefront for us.

Well, as it turned out, our decision went back to the drawing board. That next night a friend gave us a new bed. We were thankful to move Hazel out of the crib, Rawl up a notch to the top bunk, and give Milly the new bed, to prepare for baby coming. Well, that night, though Milly was initially excited, we were up for a series of tantrums, that night, every night that week, during every meal, and at every turn. I began to wonder if Heavenly Father hadn't given us this experience as I had asked for considerations we should equate with our move. All this was incited by one small change, the change of a bed. I began to feel I couldn't bear all the changes at one time with on top of it all, a child dealing with multiple life changes who had a very difficult time with transitions. This last year I have been so happy, healthy, stable and pro-active. I have tried to prepare myself for the challenges ahead, including my own shift in hormones, but have looked at things in a fairly optimistic light. This occurrence put me in touch with reality in my own capabilities. So over the next couple weeks, I began to consider seriously moving sooner. Finally I was ready to ask the Lord if this bed experience was indeed put in our path to help us fully consider the outcomes in a realistic light.

I began to have fear again, knowing it may be a long time till I got a confirmation of the Lord, and just not knowing what would be best was scary. I also wondered if I was blowing this bed consideration out of proportion, when no matter what we chose, the transitions would be difficult. The enticements of staying were working on me and I began to become edgier and edgier. One morning as I woke up with a feeling of unrest and fear, I realized that the Lord would answer in His time, but that He couldn't answer at all until I had faith. So I mustered up some trust in Him and in His time table.

Surprisingly, the Lord just wanted me to demonstrate a particle of faith, because that morning as I was about to mop the floor, I felt a peaceful feeling that if I went now to my bedroom to pray, that the answer would be there for me. I wondered if this could be just my own thoughts or what, but I obeyed and went to my room.

I told the Lord that I had changed my decision. At first as I prayed I felt good about both decisions. I remembered I had made a decision and as I prayed specifically about my decision, the Lord put a huge realization into my mind. Up until now, I realized that the priority which should be the very highest, was hardly pervading on my list. That was opening the door of opportunity wider that Riley could be there at the birth, as with plane and travel time, moving to Minnesota would give us two more day and nights that he could be near by. As I prayed I pictured my husband at our births and how lovingly he embraced our babies for the first time. I realized it was my responsibility to sacrifice and do all I could do humanly that Riley could be there, and that the Lord could see that sacrifice and if it were His will, bring the baby at a time that Riley would be there. As I pictured Riley hugging our babies, a warm feeling of peace came and told me that this decision to move early was best. Secondly, I felt the second priority needed to be in creating the atmosphere that would best lend itself to a feeling of welcoming, peace and anticipation for this new born gift that will soon come. Hence I felt that leaving sooner as hard as it would be in most respects, was the best option for our family.

The next Sunday when Riley fasted, he told me that he too felt this decision was right.

The decision to move even earlier yet came when I realized if we were going to go earlier to help transition time, that we needed a month to unpack and a month to just live with different surroundings if we are all going to be able to become more emotionally stable before baby came. I also want to be able to homeschool this year, but know that if we can't reach a state of stability it won't be possible if I or the children aren't ready, then we won't be able to go that route. I began to feel quite selfish in this but as I prayed again about it, to see if I was just being selfish and needed to bend for other important needs, I felt the Lord sanctioned my judgement and although I wish we were just better at change and adjustment (certain women and girls of our family) I feel that if we prepare in the best ways we can and move forward with faith, then this can still be a joyful time amongst all the sad good byes and scary hellos.

My heart does break to say good bye to family, friends, and missed opportunities. Thank you for all your love and support and know how much it means to us! :) God be with us all till we meet again, each time we part!

Simplicity

2011-01-02T16:22:00.001-08:00

Simplicity at its best:

My best days are often those in which I….stay home. I simply do my chores, teach and share joy with my children, and cook homemade food. I use the internet as a functional brief tool to share or to receive. The phone may or not be used to connect with a loved one.

Simplicity on the Horizon:

My little family and I… are packing our bags to go to Minnesota. We will most likely be down-sizing and up-sizing at the same time…baby number four. As I pack, I am trying to widdle down to what we use. This is the hardest part for a fourth generation pack rat…a homeschooler and providential living junkie, with the thought "We may use this." Or "This may come in handy." I know there is a balance in it. I want to remain wise and prepared, but simple and to the point. For me, it's a time to keep life simple. I usually like variety, but for now I'm choosing a rotating 20 or so meals that we can avoid pickiness conflicts and make meal time easier in brain work. I am going to have a song in my heart and on my lips, of hymns and folk ditties that make me feel happy that I will sing through my days of change and transition. I am having so much fun authorizing myself to get rid of any clothes that I don't love and feel simple and happy in, and providing the children with but one week of clothing, enough to make it till the laundry is done again. (In photo below I am organizing and simplifying my curriculum for home-school.)

The Process of Simplicity:

Our world is like an all you can eat buffet, where in one feels almost compelled to try every food available; stuffing oneself silly to the point of vomiting, enjoying nothing truly. With all the enticements, it is so difficult to be satisfied with what we should be grateful for, and to even realize what our true needs and desires are. My sister studied a wonderful book and presented her findings at a church function once called Personal Family Home and Enrichment, now called "Relief Society Meetings". Talking to her I realized when I unpack my boxes on the other side of this move, there will be those things I still need to let go of. Simplifying is not easy. Simplifying must happen over and over especially living in an obtrusive inundating world. Simplifying is a skill, a simple wonderful skill that can be learned by others who share their gifts on how to simplify. For one resource, Lindsay from Passionate Homemaking gives 12 simple steps, "Tips for Maintaining a Simple Peaceful Home" with links at the end of the post for various simplifying helps.

*She mentions here the helpfulness of setting basic simple routines; at our home, we have Monday Movie day, Tuesday Computer, Wednesday Montessori, Thursday Outdoor Adventure, Friday Fun Day, Saturday Hodge Podge. The kids call this the 'fun-ness of the day.' For me the chore list is Monday Upstairs, Tuesday Downstairs, Wednesday Bathroom, Thursday Errand, Friday and Saturday laundry and outdoor chore. Our day begins with a morning breakfast devotional (short memorized scripture, hymn and scripture story) and ends with family prayer with a short passage of scripture....if we keep on track.*

What Simply goes around, Simply comes Around:

My mother taught me that when we let go of something unselfishly, then if we become in need of it again, the Lord will bring it back to us. I found this to be remarkably true when I shared a toddler bed, and when in need again, found a free bed frame in front of someone's home, free mattresses at a garage sale, and another toddler bed was recently given to us so that we actually got more than we gave. This principle is put so beautifully in this scripture written by the prophet Samuel whose job it was to prepare the people in the Americas for Christ's coming. Helaman 14:31 "He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restoredunto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you."

Guiding Principles:
Here in are snippets from two phenomenal talks by Apostles for the World; from the first impressionable talk, I now ask myself if a resource is good, better, or best when deciding whether to keep it. Keep the best and shed the rest. From Apostle L. Tom Perry's talk, I have learned that I can do with-out, and in so doing, find a fountain of joy and peace.

Good, Better, Best

By Elder Dallin H. Oaks

"Some uses of individual and family time are better, and others are best. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families."

Let Him Do It with Simplicity

By Elder L. Tom Perry

"One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic….

…I remember a particular period of my life when I was under unusual stress. There were troubles with my employment, and at the same time, my wife was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. This was one of those times when it felt like the adversary had mounted a frontal assault against me and my family. On days when the stresses and anxieties of our tumultuous life were about to get the best of us, my wife and I found a way to relieve them.

We drove to a place just a few miles from our home to get away for a few moments of relief from our troubles, talk, and give emotional comfort to each other. Our place was Walden Pond. It was a beautiful little pond surrounded by forests of trees…Walden Pond was our special place to pause, reflect, and heal. Perhaps it was partly due to its history—its connection to the efforts of Henry David Thoreau to separate himself from worldliness for a period of years—that Walden Pond offered us so much hope for simplicity and provided such a renewing escape from our overly complex lives.

It was in March of 1845 that Thoreau decided to move out on the banks of Walden Pond and spend two years trying to figure out what life was all about. He settled on a piece of property owned by his good friend Ralph Waldo Emerson. He purchased an old shanty from a railroad worker, and tore it down. From the lumber from the shanty and the lumber from the woods, he constructed his own cabin. He kept meticulous financial records, and he concluded that for a home and freedom he spent a mere $28.12. He planted a garden, where he sowed peas, potatoes, corn, beans, and turnips to help sustain his simple life. He planted two and a half acres of beans with the intent of using the small profit to cover his needs. Small profit indeed: $8.71.

Thoreau lived quite independent of time. He had neither a clock nor a calendar in his little cabin. He spent his time writing and studying the beauties and wonder of nature that surrounded him, including local plants, birds, and animals. He did not live the life of a hermit—he visited the town of Concord most days, and he invited others to come into his cabin for enlightening conversations. When the two years ended, he left his cabin behind without regret. He considered the time he had spent there a proper amount of time to accomplish his purpose—to experience the spiritual benefits of a simplified lifestyle. He also felt he had other life experiences ahead of him. It was time to move on and explore other opportunities.

From his experiences at Walden Pond, Thoreau determined that there were only four things that a man really needed: food, clothing, shelter, and fuel. I would like to expand on each of these four basic needs of life, as well as the spiritual benefits of a simplified lifestyle.

The first requirement is food…"The Lord has commanded you to take good care of your body. To do this, observe the Word of Wisdom, found in Doctrine and Covenants 89. Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost. …

"Any drug, chemical, or dangerous practice that is used to produce a sensation or 'high' can destroy your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. These include hard drugs, prescription or over-the-counter medications that are abused, and household chemicals" ([2001], 36–37).

We do not want to harm our mortal bodies, for they are a gift from God, and part of our Heavenly Father's great plan of happiness is the reuniting of our immortal bodies with our spirits.

Another basic necessity is our clothing. A simplified life that brings spiritual blessings requires the wearing of simple and modest clothing. Our dress and grooming send a message to others about who we are, and they also affect the way we act around others. When we are modestly dressed, we also invite the Spirit of the Lord to be a shield and a protection to us.

Worldly trends in women's fashion are always inviting extremes. With their latest styles many fashion designers appear to be trying to make two or three dresses out of the amount of fabric necessary for one. Mostly, they are taking too much off the top and too much off the bottom of women's clothing, and occasionally they scrimp in the middle too. Men's fashions are also adopting extreme styles. In my day they would be called sloppy and inappropriate. I believe very casual dress is almost always followed by very casual manners.

Many of you are trying too hard to be unique in your dress and grooming to attract what the Lord would consider the wrong kind of attention. In the Book of Mormon story of the tree of life, it was the people whose "manner of dress was exceedingly fine" who mocked those who partook of the fruit of the tree. It is sobering to realize that the fashion-conscious mockers in the great and spacious building were responsible for embarrassing many, and those who were ashamed "fell away into forbidden paths and were lost" (1 Nephi 8:27–28).

President N. Eldon Tanner once cautioned us with these words: "Modesty in dress is a quality of mind and heart, born of respect for oneself, one's fellowmen, and the Creator of us all. Modesty reflects an attitude of humility, decency, and propriety. Consistent with these principles and guided by the Holy Spirit, let parents, teachers, and youth discuss the particulars of dress, grooming, and personal appearance, and with free agency accept responsibility and choose the right" ("Friend to Friend," Friend, June 1971, 3).

Now let us turn to Thoreau's third requirement, that of shelter.Newspapers are filled with reports of the current housing crisis. We have been encouraged at almost every general conference of the Church I can remember not to live beyond our means. Our income should determine the kind of housing we can afford, not the neighbor's big home across the street.

President Heber J. Grant once said: "From my earliest recollections, from the days of Brigham Young until now, I have listened to men standing in the pulpit … urging the people not to run into debt; and I believe that the great majority of all our troubles today is caused through the failure to carry out that counsel" (in Conference Report, Oct. 1921, 3).

One of the better ways to simplify our lives is to follow the counsel we have so often received to live within our income, stay out of debt, and save for a rainy day. We should practice and increase our habits of thrift, industry, economy, and frugality. Members of a well-managed family do not pay interest; they earn it.

Thoreau's final necessity was fuel. We have been hearing a lot about fuel and energy—about their high cost and limited supply, our unsafe and unpredictable dependence on their suppliers, and the need for new and sustainable sources of energy. I leave the discussion of these complicated issues to leaders of government and industry. The fuel I want to discuss is spiritual fuel.

The Lord has given us a beautiful plan about how we can return to Him, but the completion of our mortal journey requires spiritual fuel. We want to emulate the five wise virgins, who had stored sufficient fuel to accompany the bridegroom when he came (see Matthew 25:6–10). What is required to maintain a sufficient store of spiritual fuel? We must acquire knowledge of God's eternal plan and our role in it, and then by living righteously, surrendering our will to the will of the Lord, we receive the promised blessings.

As Elder William R. Bradford taught at this pulpit: "In righteousness there is great simplicity. In every case that confronts us in life there is either a right way or a wrong way to proceed. If we choose the right way, we are sustained in our actions by the principles of righteousness, in the which there is power from the heavens. If we choose the wrong way and act on that choice, there is no such heavenly promise or power, and we are alone and are destined to fail" ("Righteousness," Liahona, Jan. 2000, 103; Ensign, Nov. 1999, 85).

Just before Thoreau died, he was asked if he had made peace with God. He replied, "I was not aware we had ever quarreled" (in Mardy Grothe, comp., Viva la Repartee [2005], 181).

In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives. May we comply with the inspired counsel and direction the Lord has given us in the great plan of happiness. May we be worthy to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and follow the guidance of the Spirit as we navigate this mortal journey. May we prepare ourselves to accomplish the ultimate purpose of this mortal test—to return and live with our Heavenly Father—is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Planning: Such a helpful and fulfilling road map!

2011-01-02T16:18:00.000-08:00

Memories of a disorganized mind: I remember when I was a teen ager, mourning the fact that I always lost things. My brain felt like the most jumbled disorganized place in the world. My Dad tried to get to the bottom of it...psychologically...I must somewhere in my subconscious be punishing myself by loosing things. My mom took a more practical approach by having me listen to Stephen Covey.

(Note: To date, I spent at least 2 hours at my parents house upon preparing to leave, perusing through the house for socks and such. Well, what got left? A whole bag of dirty laundry, and a sweater of my son's. So forgetting things comes naturally and attempting organization a work in progress. )

Change: Slowly, I started learning some steps to organization. As a young missionary for my church, we were given 'blue planners' which missionaries were to use to plan each half hour of their day. Planning sessions were held with a fellow missionary team member once a week. These inventories and planning meetings began with a prayer and a companionship inventory, and continued with making calls to set up appointments and planning weekly service and teaching.

Well, planning now takes a big part of my life, mainly because my brain hasn't much improved...I have an artist right sided brain. If I give myself a general plan, my brain can think much more clearly, even though often I get things done later or in a different order then I planned; yet the plan still saves me from waking up each day feeling like I am in a fog and am a human pin ball that will bounce to any given place at any given impulse to my brain! My friend Melissa from New Zealand, helped me to organize chores around certain days. She probably talked to me about it for months before I stopped doing all my major cleaning, just on Mondays! Also, I organized my homeschooling so I had some direction to make thinking easier each new day! See Mama's Homeschool'n and scroll down a little for organizing charts…I often shuffle the days around but still the plan helps me to be far more effective.

Re-concerted efforts: Well, somewhere over the years since I have been home, I have forgotten about all the prayer I did as a missionary as we planned. Has my life become any less important? No! So I want to thank Lindsay from Passionate Homemaking, for reminding me not to cruise right into planning, but to slow down, spend some time being grateful for all the blessings of the last week, and using prayer, pondering and scripture study to prepare your mind for the holy spirit's promptings. See this post: Taking a Weekly Planning and Prayer Retreat.

I love her post because it reminds me that the Lord will guide me in the simplest of things….what to eat… even what to wear, where to go, who to call or visit, etc. Thanks to Lindsay, also I will be making thank you notes, and gratitude, a bigger part of my weekly life. Also thanks to my sister Eirene who gives old fashioned little love cards with thank you's for the simplest things in life.

The Holy Ghost to help me: I am making goals to plan each Sunday in such a worshipful manner. But I also would like to pay tribute to the Holy Spirit who guides me when I fly by the seat of my pants, and also helps me when my plan needs to revert to plan B, when my plan isn't His plan. (Such as making dinners for someone and bagging my normal routine.) I was given the Gift of the Holy Ghost at my baptism by an ordained (or John 15:16) and worthy priesthood leader, my own father, (who was given the same priesthood as had Jesus' disciples, as has every worthy male in His Restored gospel to bless their families) and this Gift of the Holy Ghost is my most precious and helpful gift I can use each day if I am worthy of it. I am currently working on Remembering Christ through the week at my most hardest points, as I have found at those crucial moments I am forgetting Him.

(Each Sunday I re-covenant to remember Him during sacrament meeting by listening to the prayer over the bread and water and partaking of the sacrament with a repentful heart. The prayer promises we can receive the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost for guidance, comfort, peace and protection, if we fulfill our promise to always remember Christ. ) About Baptism and Gift of the Holy Ghost, see Preach My Gospel; down load chapter The Gospel of Jesus Christ, pgs 63-65; About Jesus' original ordination and authorization to preach, and baptize, and how that power was lost, and restored in our modern time, see Preach my Gospel, dowload chapter 1, The Message of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and see pages 32-35)

I believe by more concerted planning, that this gift of the Holy Ghost I was given at baptism will be added upon, enhanced, and empowered! :)

Progress: I have officially had two 'worshipful' 'retreats'. I loved feasting on those things to journal and be thankful for through the week. I loved studying my scriptures before planning. It added a spiritual dimension to my planning and even better, to my week. I find that I have been doing the idea of this for a while, but in smaller chunks at once, and on different days. I think it is ideal to get done at one time. When you dedicate a portion of time to prepare your mind for the spirit to guide your choices, there is an element of sacrifice that enhances all that you do during the week.

Further organization: Lindsay provides a wealth of planning sheets to help the unorganized unproficient such as myself. These are all kept together in one notebook binder. In times past, I made myself a binder, inspired by Candy from "Keeping the Home" and her amazing "Home management binder." Candy recently did a fabulous post, a peek into her binder. You can also easily locate this post from a side Menu called "Home Management Binders, click on her "Mine" and also see about 20 other sample management binders from different people which she links to so you can help yourself design just the right fit. Lindsay's notebook can be linked from Candy's blog. Lindsay did a video tour of hers as well as provided printable downloads of helpful master lists, and cute and free organization print outs. See "Building a Home Planning Notebook. Lindsay suggests tackling one section of your notebook at a time! This is ESSENTIAL if it is going to work for you. It took me about 1/2 a year to finally master the simple morning routine of getting ready and having a worshipful daily breakfast devotional and clean up, and I consider this still one of my greatest accomplishments. I am trying to establish a solid and consistent night routine that includes brushing teeth, (currently children only brush at morning) and includes family prayer and scriptures. (Currently my husband does individual prayers with the children and reads some scriptures while I am off taking a break or usually tidying.) Our nightly routine needs some sharpening and bettering. In organization, currently I am working on one section of my notebook, "Homeschooling".

My Binder: Here is my binder. I found lovely pictures from old magazines I had from the Ensign (A family magazine geared for applying scriptures to challenges we face each day--a $10 investment well worth it for our family as we get a new magazine each month and we also obtain the children's Friend. Available for the teens is the New Era.) Each month is chalk full of powerfully inspirational and applicable helps and lovely pictures for personal and family improvement. Click here for ordering information. I love this woman filling her lamp with oil for it reminds me to keep my priorities aligned each day. The pictures of my Savior remind me how much I need Him daily.

Temporary Hiatus: Unfortunately, currently I am not even using my binder…it needs re-vamping and I have reverted to older habits of keeping all sorts of different information in different places. So soon, when I do not have too much on my plate, (such as moving and preparing for a baby) I will get it all in one notebook to make my life much easier and eliminate wasted time in searching.

Here is my hodge-podge teacher-style planning notebook. What a mess! Ha, ha, well it is working for me for now…and you have to do what works for you! However you work your planning, I want to emphasize how rewarding it is to check your planned agendas, or even to write things down AFTER accomplishing them…when I do this I feel so accomplished as a fruitful mother, it helps me realize how much I am actually doing (yes I will often put down seemingly simple tasks such as reading a story to the children)which helps me see I am doing wonderful things with family, home, etc! Recording even simple or 'mundane' accomplishments brings satisfaction as well as provides a memory hook that I can look to later and remember.

Encouragement: If you don't take a chunk of time to plan, I do pray that you pray often and let the Lord guide you daily, for He still has a master plan for you! I am still at the stage where if the idea makes it to the paper I am on a roll, and wow! I usually do get it done when I do write it, but I believe just praying and trying to obey can really help you in your own life's style and flavor, mission, happiness and fulfillment!

Planning: Such a helpful and fulfilling road map!

2011-01-02T16:17:00.002-08:00

I believe by more concerted planning, that this gift of the Holy Ghost I was given at baptism will be added upon, enhanced, and empowered! :)

Not Getting me old Trickster

2011-01-02T16:17:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was so glum to step on the scale at my midwife appointment, and find out that I weighed the same as I did when I delivered Hazel, Milly and Rawl! Kinda like the feeling I had when I weighed myself after having Hazel and found I weighed the same as I did when I delivered her! Not even a loss of seven pounds!

I had a great time painting ceramics with my sisters and daughters for a girl's birthday treat last night, but I was so sad when I got home. This morning, even though I woke up from a lovely dream, the same sad feeling came back into my heart, discouragement, sadness, dis-like for my body, sad about the future and very fearful!

Then as I put on my aerobics video, the Lord implanted feelings from the Holy Spirit. Why should I slacken my strength because of my enemy? (Satan, see Nephi's lament 2 Nephi 4:29) Why should I do anything but love my body and all it is doing for me with all these changes? Why not send anything but an inner hug and appreciation for every bit of me! Why should I let these changes alter my focus on my kids and how much I love my children, and be steady for the complete challenge they will offer me today rather than a general feeling of dread and sadness? Why should I forget that I have a baby from God growing within me?

And right then and there, I basically said "Get thee hence, Satan, (Moses 1:16)Get out of here you dirty rascal, you won't get me with this because I have God to help me right through, to be my arm of safety, to give me love when it doesn't come naturally and to give me hope instead of fear.

And P.S....Riley and I think midwives can measure bellies just fine to determine baby size, and the scales can be thrown out and distributed to the neighborhood dump~

And P.P.S. If I could blame this on anything....it would be on my friend's recently given to me bread recipe, nine grain, and my heaven with plenty of butter! ~

Dragons and Worms

2011-01-02T16:16:00.001-08:00

My Dad is a wonderful chap. I grew up hearing exciting tales that always interweaved imagination, usually some fantasy, some good old fashioned courage and morals and he couldn't help a romance.

If you read my last post about The Little Red Hen, you will notice I studied a talk called Family Work. Well, it so happens that the preparation of reading it actually helped my life!

I was stumped as to what to do to my son who refused to do the chore I asked of him, so I had a quick chat with God, in my stumpifiied state, johnny on the spot. Something I usually forget to do. What do I do now? Heavenly Father recalled this talk to my mind and how I had learned work was to be a vehicle to bring families together as they worked side by side.

I said, "Rawl do you want to lay down and rest for ten minutes to give you more energy, or do you want to put the silver ware away now while I tell you a story?" (Heavenly Father's brilliant sentence idea)

Now I always get scared telling a story that nothing will come, I much rather read one...but my son gave me the premise and so that made it easier, he wanted a story about a fox and a dragon. I remembered how I used to tell stories to Milly all the time surrounding her current struggle and just put in imaginative characters, and she loved them! (A wormy family with Sylvia the worm who was scared to move was my last one...overall they were boring premises, but being about butterflies or bunnies made all the difference) I hadn't told stories in about 2 years!

Well, I began and found it was almost like God was putting the ideas in my head...I concocted a brilliant story, it had a funny part, and discussed lying the current problem Rawl struggles with...the Dragon of course was decietful and because he was, George won the battle! It included romance as George married Alica after going on several dates where in he saw she was not only pretty but so kind hearted....she stayed after they sang at a nursing home to visit with the guests! The fox belonged to Alicia, and George found the fox in the pit of the dragon's stomach where he was having a repose and gaining strength. The fox got swallowed whole you see and met George there. (Of course, this all came from childhood stories, everyone knows you must sleep in a dragon's stomach to get extra strength.)

Stories just might fall out of your mouth too in an hour of need, try it, you know we are not in this alone! But for me, this single positive experience where I 'won' and turned to God, and he saved my bacon and created sweetness too, I want it to be the beginning, just the beginning of a rich tradition of working side by side with my children. In fact, parallel leadership instead of dictatorship is my goal this week, wish me luck. May I stay out of many power struggles! Well, staying out of at least one will be a good start.... :)

The Little Red Hen

2011-01-02T16:15:00.002-08:00

"Ok, I'll do it myself!" This Little Red Hen seemed to characterize me, the martyr mom~

Well, a few months ago, I was blessed with a lovely puncture wound on my foot when I stepped on a toothpick, right at the most tired and nauseated spell of my pregnancy that seemed to debauch my earned image of Little Red Hen, hopefully forever!

This lovely incident was no fun, I hated not being able to clean my house...very well. Riley suggested I ask the kids for more help. The first day of this I was amazed at how much they really were willing to be gophers! Still this got old quickly, and being slow and inefficient was extremely hard for me!

But I realize in hind sight that this moment was pivotal for me, as the pain of asking children to do work became less then the pain of feeling all alone and rather helpless. I think most moms become the little red hen, because it is more emotional work to get their children to work, then it is to do the work themselves. Previously, I had a few token tasks that out of convincing myself I was teaching my children to work, I suffered through having them do. Now, I realize I am far more bossy, but the energy required in meeting with resistance is less now for me, because I have realized the reward that comes from feeling you are part of a team, even if you are still doing essentially the same amount of work but the 'help' really does help, because now you are not all alone in a never ending spiral of tasks that never are done, and outweighs the pain from the extra energy expended in petitioning help. Besides I think my children are getting used to me asking them more frequently to pick up after themselves, run do this or that, etc, so the petitioning pain is becoming less energy consuming.

My friend sent me two sensational talks. I put off reading them till it was not something on a checklist in my brain, but for when it was something my soul hungered for, and thus fulfilling. These two talks were sensational so I want to share them for you, for you to refer back to on a day when your soul hungers for something of this nature.

This first talk, Family Work written by Kathleen Slaugh Bahr and Cheri A. Loveless, explains why God gave us work to accomplish as families. Together, through work, family units learn selfless service and love, beginning with Adam and Eve. These women then lead us to the Savior's example in feeding the hungry, menially washing the feet and cleansing those around him, caring for the sick, etc; that we might look to Him in realizing the ultimate importance in humbly, lovingly and beautifully performing these basic, often most lowly, and hence most Godly, services. These authors then bring us to the past describing how families worked side by side in their survival as working team units, and how our world then revolutionized which upset many of these interdependent balances. Still this talk doesn't pine for the past, but explains how feeding, clothing, and cleaning needs still persist today as basic daily needs, and will never cease, and how we can choose to let these requirements cyclically bring us together, especially when we realize the importance of the process, and more importantly the process of doing the tasks together.

This second talk, My Home as a Temple, by Kristine Manwaring describes how a she wanted her home to become as a temple, and because temples are reverently quiet, spotless, reflective and reverent, it was bringing her down when her own house seemed loud, chaotic, and never quite reaching spotless. Her outlook transformed when she discussed with a friend who helped her to find the sacred in her own home; she began to see that the most menial tasks often brought the most beautiful outcomes. While washing dishes side by side with her son, she found he would begin to talk to her about what was really happening in his day. This woman realized that these 'mundane' and 'repeating' tasks required of us are actually fraught with many symbolic teaching moments, and in their motion and repetition, provide brain space to feed relationships if we decide to work side by side, that we might talk together, laugh together, learn and serve together, and in dispute, learn how to resolve problems together.

I don't plan on being more and more bossy as I revolutionize away from the Little Red Hen, but I desire instead to recognize requirements for what they really can be. If I can see doing laundry, not as my least favorite and even detested task, but a time to watch a movie together, listen to music, or just chat, while the kids or my husband sit by my side 'helping' me, why this could be really cool! Atleast, the toothpick helped me realize the value of the feeling of not feeling all alone, and the talks have given me an understanding of what the tasks are designed to do by an all knowing and loving Creator...and this can give me a spring board for a change in attitude and perspective, which gives me a vision of how work can work can work for us....and change always begins with a vision...which if we continue to embrace correctly, can help us lead our family together to Christ and Salvation.

The Little Red Hen

2011-01-02T16:15:00.001-08:00

"Ok, I'll do it myself!" This Little Red Hen seemed to characterize me, the martyr mom~

Part 1: Scaffolding: The technical reasons

2011-01-02T16:14:00.001-08:00

"Scaffolding is an instructional technique whereby the teacher models the desired learning strategy or task, then gradually shifts responsibility to the students." (North Central Regional Educational Laboratory)

The graphs below sum up the process at an eye glance. See "Gradual Release of Responsibility" for more images.

As described by the Turning Points by the Center for Collaborative Education, the "Gradual Release of Responsibility moves from

"

Teacher Ownership--------------------> Student Ownership

Just as we teach swimming by gradually removing supports (scaffolding) from students in order that they learn to be successful independent swimmers, we must teach literacy in the same way. For example, we know that activating prior knowledgeallows someone to be a more proficient reader. The question then becomes how do we teach students to activate prior knowledge when they read. The answer? Teach the strategy explicitly using a gradual release of responsibility process.

First, by modeling the particular strategy.

Second, by using the strategy in a large group setting with the teacher directly participating for direction and support.
Third, by expecting students to use the strategy in small group settings with the teacher stepping back from direct participation in order to monitor the use of the strategy.
Finally, by expecting each student to use the strategy independently while the teacher is monitoring the work both directly by observing students and indirectly by reviewing student work (logs, response journals, writing.)

"

I'll RUN WITH IT! As I became acquainted with this model as an elementary education major, I became fascinated at the sound reason I felt the principles imbued. Once a mother, I began to think about about educating my children, both spiritually as well as temporally with physical development and skills. I decided that this was a good model to run my parenting by. As the babe in my arms needed constant attention and required that I did everything for the infant, I would be the heavy handed parent who met the needs required. As the infant grew into toddlerhood, childhood, teen age years and then adulthood, I would do less and less till my 'bird' left my 'nest', ready to 'fly'. In the beginning, the child's choices would be strongly guided and heavily influenced by me, by offering choices that were restricted and simple (such as do you want your vegetables on the side, or mixed in) and as the children gained understanding and competency, I would release the responsibility of choice making eventually to the child entirely.

MY INTERPRETATION AS A HOME EDUCATOR: As a homeschooling mother, I wonder that most people I meet, don't surmise that I am sheltering the child, which will hurt the child's ability to gain independence in the end. I believe that right now, we are sheltering indeed, creating a shelter that provides the environment I choose, in the beginning when I choose for my influence to dominate the child's life. This we see as completely appropriate in the young and sensitive years. As we see a child is ready to make wise decisions without constant guidance, then they will move to the next level of independence prescribed under the bullets above--we will have them participate in various groups or coops where mother's influence floats in and out but is not dominate, allowing the child to have some parental support as they step toward social and academic independence. Lastly, we will send them off to a setting where parental presence moves from instructor to mainly observer on the side-lines who cheers, routes, comforts, and corrects only when necessary. As my husband and I work through these stages with our children, I believe this quote by Douglas Fisher, Ph. D; Professor of Language and Literacy at San Diego State University, (A Gradual Release of Responsibility, pg. 2) to be critical. He states. "It is important to understand that the gradual release of responsibility is not linear. Students move back and forth among each of the components as they master skills, strategies, and learning standards."

DIFFERING PROCESSING of THE LATER STAGES: These latter stages are as critical in my opinion, as the beginning ones. The child can experience a myriad of choices, yet process difficult situations and decisions with a parent, and thus learn valuable lessons that will steer the child to greater competency and adulthood characterized by integrity. Because the steps aren't necessarily linear, as prescribed by Dr. Douglas above, then as an adult discerns is best for the child, children can experience these independent settings coupled with adult conversation and processing, arbitrarily.

RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE on the DECISION, for our personal family, Respectively: On a religious standpoint, as a Latter Day Saint, we believe that a child is not accountable for their choices until they reach the age of eight. See Moroni 8:22 and Doctrine and Covenants 68:27. This is why tentavely, our family would like to keep our little ones close to mother where I can be their main influence, until their minds reach a state where they can reasonably discern incoming information.

IN SUMMARY, the PROCESS for our Family: My husband and I have decided to tentatively home-school our children during the most impressionable years, and acquaint them with rich, sweet and good curriculum that molds their inner character and creates a strong base from which to build their life from. Then we plan to release them to small group opportunities led by differing trusted adults, in the form of schools, coops, extra curricular activities etc that surround them with various peers where they can be offered vaster opportunities and greater abilities for independent decision making. Lastly we plan to provide them with various school settings where parents take the least amount of control, and the child is prepared to make many independent decisions that can be coached here and there as is necessary.

Old Fashioned Goodness

2011-01-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

Old Fashioned Dress:

Christa Taylor, Striped Best Friend Dress

I am such a sucker for shirt dresses and feminine skirts, I recently saw these in a Lands End Magazine, Women's Regular original belted shirt dress, and Women's Tie Waist Full Skirt.

My little son, at age three, told me, "Mom, I like when you wear your skirts."

My husband said to me, "such a pretty blouse on you, it would sure look cute with one of your denim skirts!"

Emily skirt, from Junees;I don't own this skirt, my main skirt I wear now is a denim spunky hand me down from my dear friend Jeralyn. Its maternity and a bit below the knee, and a great stand by I frequent!

Old Fashioned Goodness: I was corresponding with one of my dear friends this last week and we were discussing old fashioned goodness. Women of the past were purely women, and they made a career out of their roles, as it were. My friend was referring to one of her favorite shows when she referred me to Janet, one of her favorite characters.

" I watch her as she cleans and cooks in her dress and apron and she is strong and yet sensitive and she raises her kids with morals and disciplines them and loves and heals them and ahhh i want to be like her....Janet was not thin and beautiful with makeup and hairsprayed hair, she was a little meatier and her hair was messy from the days work and she was sweaty but oh man... i think she is so beautiful... i think she is the epitomy of what a woman should be like. She is not perfect. She doesn't have her nails done and highlights hahah and she works hard and even helps with the animals. "

I loved my friend's words and practically drewled as she described a woman who is not a fashion template, who has a normal body, but who captures the essence of femininity in her character, in her persona, and in her life style...yes, she sweats a little, and might even stink when she does her work with the animals! A womanly woman thrills in her role as woman, friend, wife, and most especially...Mother! She finds her talents, beautifies and enhances her surroundings with them, and shares!

Inspired by my friend's letter, which was fraught with all her favorite old fashioned pleasures, old fashioned moral joys, and human kindnesses, I was tickled into glorying in the old fashioned with in me, and in my life....and loved it! I started with making a new apron that I referred to in my previous post. I invented some darling skirt outfits, wore the jean skirt over-all combo I recently finished, (see picture from Fashionably Modest Patterns, Buckle Jumper dress) and cutefied in my modern shress option (pants with a pretty blouse/dressish-like top) with enjoyment. This week I skipped on my duller options, for old-fashioned funsies.

Raising Old Fashioned Kids: Once, when I went to visit a friend, her children were all in the back ground tussling and pretending together; dressed as little lions, tigers, and bears or princesses. She told me that every year at Halloween time she picked up a costume from the local thrift stores or second hand stores. I thought it was a delightful tradition and started it myself! I delight in our dress up box. From it, my son emerges as a lion, a leopard, and Davy Crocket, on a weekly basis. My daughter doesn't use the dress up box as much as my son now, but just incorperates dress up looking clothes into her daily outfits. Her spinny gini-gown is getting terribly unsightly, and her red velvet Santa-dress is terribley past Christmas acceptance, still these outfits make their way into her dress choice each week. I love it. I love it. My children are experimenting with their God given roles through play, through every day choices, and it is old fashioned, it is good, and it is so happy! They play with blocks, and big plastic laundry baskets become cars and boats. Little craft projects are always being invented, the latest is my daughter's invention to give to her Nanna's cat and dog, a big bowl of watery milk with grass pieces. Our son throws on his coat any old time of day and romps outside, and in the summer they play in the 'grass house' or the 'secret bush' and splash in the irrigation water we are fortunate to have access to...its a childhood wonderland!

(This is Milly's cousin Wesley in her gini-gown)

(Milly's currently not so fresh, and pink and chipper gini, now gray, holey, and entirely loved)

Old Fashioned Service:

These last few weeks, I wrote a letter with an old fashioned pen and a paper to a dear friend and shared slices of my life with her, and started making some valentines~old fashioned love notes. (Ideas from Family Fun) I made a meal for someone who had a baby.

I visited a neighbor with the childrand thanked her for generously giving us a bag of apples we found on our porch, and found out they weren't from her, now I have to suspect my visiting teacher!

Old Fashioned Teaching:

This week, I utilized the talents of my sister in law, and got fresh exciting ways on teaching science. We made weather bags, and experimented to find out what snow and ice are made of. I thouroughly enjoyed the freshness of my children's delight in simply watching red ice cubes melt into hot water, and observe them eagerly collect a fresh batch of dirty snow to test its melting properties. We notebooked our evidence, our predictions, our guesses, our outcomes.

Old Fashioned Park with good-time fries:

We were so excited to go to our mid-wife appointment to hear our new Little's heart beat. After, we were just in the mood for something fun. So we went to BYU's creamery, got some pepper fries, garlic fries, and spiced fries, and found a park where we ate our fatty entrees and then the kids romped in the icey park.

(BYU creamery fries come in a cup like this: but ours was to-go in a Styrofoam box, and a lot of them!)

Old Fashioned-Hobby:

And, this week as I busied my children with homeschooling, I realized I could multi-task when the hobby was portable and quite brainless! Hallelujah! I realized I didn't have to wait till I was all alone to do my hobbies! I recently attended my sister's Knitty Gritty Party (Thank you Eirene for hosting our Domestic Dolls, I actually learned a lot just from that night!)

(Hazel is doing a puzzle on the couch, Rawl in his Davey Crockett hat is working on an alphabet puzzle, Milly is doing a United States puzzle--Milly innitiated this whole puzzle bonanza, and I am taking a picture but was knitting with Hazel on the couch.)

So CHEERS to an old fashioned week, and may we all enjoy Old Fashioned Goodness~ That shouldn't be so terribly Old Fashioned, after all!

An Apron, An Egyptian Meal, and One Sink of Dishes

2011-01-02T16:11:00.001-08:00

The most productive thing I did in the morning to recooperate of two days of illness was a sink full of dishes. Luckily it was a normal size, because Riley was kind enough to do two load the two days previous, of his own accord~ :) :) :)

Milly has become habituated into her school work enough that I was able to do school work along my side while I sewed! I made an apron that has been cut out and ready to sew for a couple years now. I decided I wansn't 'well enough' yet to clean my house up, but I could 'sit there' and sew. :) Well, I did even get tired from that, so I took a break.

I went to my fridge around 3:00 to start lunch. Since somehow it was 11:00 when we had breakfast, it was about 'lunch' time. I was going to make ramen noodle, when I found a cucumber in the fridge that was near rotten....but just withery so far. I realized this was bought to show the kids how the ancient people of Egypt and in Mesopatamia ate, so I cut that up and decided to make the meal I found off the internet with Maccaroni, chick peas, lentils and rice in a pita bread. Luckily I got some fish too, and our family favorite is tillapia cooked hot with butter and blackening spices. I decided not to authentically dry it in the sun for a month, and Riley was surprised that we were eating lunch at 4:00 when he came home...but gladly partook in the goods of the fish, and a salad that I had made a few days ago.

I decided to cook the lentils in the pressure cooker to save on some time, and as always I overcooked them, so they were a mush. I decided to take a little break, so I took a nap. By then it was 5:30, and I realized that the rest of the Egyptian food was officially dinner. So I got up, cut some onion and garlic and stirred the tomatoes over the chickpeas, rice, mushed lentils mixture. I plopped that into a pita pocket and found that the kids ate negative one bights. So atleast we enjoyed the fish and cucumber, and they tried a nibble of a fig.

It was time to go to the temple, and Milly was taking a nap....she never takes naps so we got to thinking. We realized we were probablly cutting it too close as I was really quite sick just two days before, my fever breaking just the day before. And maybe Milly was taking a turn for the ill. Hense I left my mushy pot of food on the stove, finished my apron, and watched a movie on the couch. And to tell the truth, I found it a perfectly productive day~

Riley went to the temple this morning, and I just enjoyed a lovely chat with my cousin Ann on the phone, my kids are all as chipper and fighty as normal, and I have a fairly normal amount of energy, so I guess...now it is officially time to clean up around here~

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

2011-01-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

Rawl informed me in a very tender voice, that "I want to be a Lion all day long" He asked me to give him whiskers and paint his nose. He asked me what "precious" meant. Then he asked what "ferocious" meant. And informed he he was FEROCIOUS. Any body come to mind....??

We VERY quickly had to establish that we couldn't be ferocious with siblings. And infact learned from a lion book I happened to have and incorporated into our circle time, that lions are ferocious beasts, but to each other, often 'tender' and 'gentle'. That was my favorite page in the book.

Last night when I snitched two small paragraphs into my brain before putting my *book down to drift into sleep, learned that the Energetic spirited child, or adult for that matter, needs movement or they become irritable. So I incorporated lion tackles and chasing into my circle time...it was kinda fun.

*from "Raising your Spirited Child" (my mother shares her biggest help-send books in child-rearing with us)

Recently, I decided to have more fun in my homeschooling and life. And it just so happens with this adjustment, that a parenting book is not the end of my list of things to do anymore! Its actually fun to catch much needed insight! Especially when I realize I can skip to a chapter that sounds good, and read only 2 paragraphs, and feel fulfilled.

So, lions and tigers and bears, oh my, are a part of my day, and its fun that way!

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

2011-01-02T16:06:00.000-08:00

*from "Raising your Spirited Child" (my mother shares her biggest help-send books in child-rearing with us)

So, lions and tigers and bears, oh my, are a part of my day, and its fun that way!

Dropping Balls

2011-01-02T16:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I wrote on my facebook, that when my family came in town, I was literally mopping under their feet....Two days previous, Riley had placement break for school. He insisted that he take the kids for the day. I protested 4 or 5 times, but he kept insisting...so I took him up on the offer! He emphasized I must do something fun for me while he was gone!!!! :) ....I finished my history class lessons for the substitute so I could be there at the airport for Peter's homecoming....and then....I sewed!!!! What to do? I was tickled pink!! I used to sew all the time, but with moving, gardening, canning, canning and canning....homeschooling and cleaning our bigger house, sewing gets lost in the dust. Riley was seriously my hero!! :)

I decided to sew myself a skirt from some corduroy I bought last year. I would love to post a picture, but since my camera broke, I will just share the link. Its the skirt like two blogs down from Funky Frum, at Pretty/Modest.

I just copied the skirt, but made it from tan corduroy, longer, and made it so the bow ties in back rather than in front. Its pretty darling!!! :)

The skirt took the next day to sew too, and when I was done, I had to can some tomatoes first before they rotted....I got that done like 1:00 a.m. That was the first ball I had to pick up. Then I tidied up the house but didn't get to the mopping. Hence literally mopping under feet when my family arrived for dinner...it was kinda embarrassing, but hey....it was worth it. Its a little birthday present!

The temple was so lovely, and it was a lot of fun going to the trampoline place with everyone. The dinner was great too, and we all had such fun gathering the day before at the airport to pick up Peter, the HANDSOME Shmandsome, and go to the Golden Coral together. Although I hereby would like to put in a plug for a new restaurant to try...Olive Garden or something? Riley and I came home with a leaden gut.

I loved canning tomatoes with my sister Elena, we had such a great time talking and then it was such a treat to have Peter come with me on my run the next morning! He ran me so fast that I was sore the next day.

Happy Birthday Ugg~! Egg~! Ehgbert!~! Adam~!!!!

2011-01-02T16:02:00.001-08:00

Adam, Adam! Today is a hallmark birthday, a gateway into the world of men!
I asked a while back, what everyone's favorite flower was, and Adam sent me these pictures, as well as why he liked "two lips"!

" I really like tulips, because they just show such unique and peculiar qualities, beautifully and divinely shaped. They're just seem to be full. Complete, perfect, in that sense, with good a smell."

Ugg

Well, we do like Adam, for his unique and peculiar qualities. He has got a divine shape (buff!) and he's going on his mission and getting married, eventually and having children and such, and uniting with his Savior, so that he will become complete and perfect! He is a deep, well rounded, and full kinda guy, and heck, he doesn't smell too bad either!!

REJUVINATING!

CHEERY! HAPPY! BRIGHT!

TRUE! SWEET! ADORABLE!....and maybe if they could talk, they'd be CLEVER and WITTY!

ADAM CHAEL MITCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!

................You Go BE the 'two-lips' for those people in Chille waiting for you to bring them to the fullness of Christ's gospel!

Happy Birthday Ugg~! Egg~! Ehgbert!~! Adam~!!!!

2011-01-02T16:02:00.000-08:00

" I really like tulips, because they just show such unique and peculiar qualities, beautifully and divinely shaped. They're just seem to be full. Complete, perfect, in that sense, with good a smell."

Ugg

REJUVINATING!

CHEERY! HAPPY! BRIGHT!

TRUE! SWEET! ADORABLE!....and maybe if they could talk, they'd be CLEVER and WITTY!

ADAM CHAEL MITCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!

................You Go BE the 'two-lips' for those people in Chille waiting for you to bring them to the fullness of Christ's gospel!

What's 20 years in the scheme of things?

2011-01-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

When I had two children, I treasured each nap they took. I knew it was only so long when mother had this luxurious quiet time in the middle of the day...as soon as they were asleep I raced to my crafts and sewed like mad so that I could have 3 little wall quilts to decorate my home with. Overall, I enjoyed my time with the kidlets, experienced stress, and found time to teach them school or spiritual lessons, occasionaly braved stroller walks, or trips to the library, and went to the stream to throw rocks. But one night as I lay in bed, the gravity of my task in motherhood came to the forefront. I realized I was about to jump in a very time consuming and intense fire: full on full time motherhood....their synchronized naps would only last so long. I calculated, and realized I would be intensely teaching for the next 20 years, if I had seven children, and focused on teaching them most intensely in the formable years of their life, up until eight years. I wanted to be dedicated for those innocent learning years when they absorbed the most. (The following scriptures explain how children are innocent from sinning when young, thus very teachable.) (Moroni 8: 9-12 9 And after this manner did the Holy Ghost manifest the word of God unto me; wherefore, my beloved son, I know that it is solemn amockery before God, that ye should baptize little children.Behold I say unto you that this thing shall ye teach—repentance and baptism unto those who are aaccountable and capable of committing sin; yea, teach parents that they must repent and be baptized, and humble themselves as their little bchildren, and they shall all be saved with their little children.

11 And their little achildren need no repentance, neither baptism. Behold, baptism is unto repentance to the fulfilling the commandments unto thebremission of sins.

12 But little achildren are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world; if not so, God is a partial God, and also a changeable God, and abrespecter to persons; for how many little children have died without baptism!

Doctrine and Covenants 68: 27-28 And their children shall be abaptized for the bremission of their sins when ceight years old, and receive the laying on of the hands.

28 And they shall also ateach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.

It was a fairly important chunk of my life, the next 20 years encompassing young adult to middle ages. There was a lot I could do during this time before beauty and peak health fled me. But I wanted to chose the better part, and trust in the promise that the eternities in the after life will afford for all that we sacrifice in this life to prioritize. Though the thought of teaching the children intently was formadable and intimidating, I felt a portion of resolute and determination to not miss this one time chance I had.

I continued to calculate, in 20 years, I would be near 50, grandma age, when my last child turned eight years old, if I were able to have seven by age 40. Even then, I would still be raising children, but the last child would begin to have more independance in seeking out their own knowledge, and begin to make significant choices for themselves, remembering the lessons they were already taught to help them as they read scriptures and prayed on their own to guide their choices, and were fed by scripture lessons at Sunday school and in our traditional Monday Family Home Evenings reserved to teach a gospel lesson.

I started with small things, to be more and more present for the children in their teaching and molding. After some time, we developed a relatively simple habit of singing a hymn, reciting a short scripture, and reading/sharing a scripture story at breakfast every day, we called it our devotional. This is a fairly simple habit to maintain, and alleviates fights at breakfast. Sometimes we do this in the car when breakfast is on the go.

Recently, we developed a habit after breakfast where the children bring their dish to the sink, and next, sometimes brush their teeth :) (should happen more). I often let them play a few minutes to rest from the hustle and bustle of morning routine while I tidy up the kitchen and then we proceed to each read our scriptures. I read my scriptures and write my thoughts in a scripture journal while the children look at a scripture story book with pictures, and then they draw in their scripture notebooks pertaining to what they learned about. During this scripture time, I usually don't read to them but let them have their own experience (except with the youngest tottler whom I usually read a little bit to.) This is a win win situation as they see me read my scriptures so I can teach by example, and they also have their own time with the scriptures...I admittedly appreciate the time built in my day to read the scriptures. A blessed friend of mine shared this great idea with me! Thank goodness for lovely friends!

An answer to prayer I recieved further iterates the brevity of our teaching time as mothers, and how important it is to devote and focus before it passes. I prayed to the Lord, asking him to help me be prepared to receive child number four. He had given Riley and I the inspiration to begin child making while in the sacred and peaceful temple months before, in June, which was many months away at that point. June was coming up and my fears were coming to the forefront. After I prayed, I went and checked my email, and felt inspired by the Holy Ghost to read the email Katie my sister in law had thoughtfully sent: (It is a portion of a talk given by LaDawn Jacob entitled "Rearing Children in the Nurture of the Lord", I was in tears as I read it. I balled as I realized again, how precious and important this calling of motherhood really is:

"My dear grandmother, Anderson who passed away in 1976 had a great impact on my life. I would like to share a story with you that happened shortly after she passed away. Actually in March of 1978. About a year and a half after she had died. This happened to my cousin, Bonnie who’s father is my father’s brother. This story has made a great impact on my life. I hope that you will understand the spiritual ramifications of what she was telling Bonnie as well as each of us parents. Bonnie says, a few weeks ago my mind had an active spurt. I began to create and invent things. There were so many projects I wanted to work on and become involved in. Ideas for creative things seemed to be put into my mind one after another. Ideas I knew would go places if only I had the time. Day after day went by and each one seemed more filled than the other with the relatively mundane duties of my life. There were dishes to wash. Diapers to change. Fights to stop. Cooking, cleaning, and on and on. While my hands were busy with chores that took no thought my mind raced from one idea to another until it was literally bursting at the seams. It had been almost two weeks and I had not had a single moment to work on any of my projects. I was becoming increasingly frustrated. Finally, one afternoon I decided everything else would wait. I was going to work on my projects. I was going to spend some time for me. As I began some writing and planning my husband, Fred came in. I asked him his opinion of something. He commented how can you get involved in something like this when there is so much to do around the house. Doesn’t that sound like a husband? His casual comment turned my life into a tailspin and depression set in. I felt I might as well resign myself to the fact that 90% of my life would be spent in doing what I had to do and the other 10% in doing what I ought to do. That would leave no time for doing what I wanted to do. I had chosen to be a mother. My children needed to have their noses wiped, their lunches made, their faces washed and their hair combed, and drinks and their baths. Is this what I had been born to do? Was my whole life to be spent in tedious routine just to get my children raised? Why did the Lord give me all of this talent and imagination if it was all useless? Why was I trying to help my children grow up to be creative individuals if when they were grown they would spend all their time clearing the table, vacuuming, and sweeping the porch. It seemed such a waste. This was life? Yuck. It was about 10~30 one night and I was in my laundry room folding my next to the last batch of clothes. My days work was almost over. It never ended. Did it? I was very unhappy. I couldn’t seem to find a solution to my problems. Then the thought crossed my mind that I had not yet asked the one who has all the answers. He had helped me many times before. Surely he would help me now. I closed my eyes and offered a silent plead for help. Suddenly, I felt the presence of someone else in my little laundry room. Who was it? I searched to identify the spirit that seemed so familiar and sweet. Was it grandma Farnsworth? Fred’s mother? No, not him either. Not his father. Who was it? Grandma Anderson. That’s who it was. Grandma Anderson was there and I sensed she wanted to communicate with me. Well, go ahead I thought. If you can say something that might help. I sure need it. The next few minutes are difftcult to describe. She talked to me, but not in words that are spoken. It was a type of pure communication, where thoughts and ideas are flashed and instantly understood. It is difficult to write down an experience that has no words, but I will try. First she said, “Bonnie, I can speak with authority because I have been through this life. I had 10 children.” A brief view of her children and their beautiful lives flashed in my mind. Each one strong in the gospel. Each one a pillar of love and service. Then she said, “Bonnie, as you near the end of your mortal life there is nothing that will bring you more joy, more celestial joy than your children No creation. No book. No song. No success can begin to touch the joy of children properly raised. The things which concern you are mortal and will come to an end. Your children are eternal.”

Secondly, she said, “To the Lord the most important thing in this life is to bring his children to a knowledge of him. So that they may live with him again. You can be. part of that work, Bonnie. But you must start with your own children.” Again, a picture of grandma’s children was flashed through my mind. And her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren. I thought of all the missions they had been on. All the church jobs they had served in. I thought of all the lives that had been touched and changed. The great power for good there was in this life because grandma had been a mother. I tasted just briefly the joy she felt because of this work. Remember the scripture, “And if it so be that you should labor all your days and crying repentance unto this people and bring save it be one soul unto me in the kingdom of my father how great shall be your joy with him. And now if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me, unto the kingdom of my father how great will be your joy if you bring many souls unto me.” Grandma told me many other things too. Some of which I shall mention. She said, “I must be patient. There would be time for doing the things I wanted to do. A time when my little ones weren’t so dependant upon me to fulfill their needs. Someday, I thought, they will be able to blow their own noses. I should work slowly and carefully on my projects and the Lord would bless me if I would make sure that my home was running properly first. But most importantly she told me that the Lord loved me and cared about me. He wanted me to remain true and faithful. There was much work I could do in this kingdom. An eternity awaited me. With opportunities for creating which I couldn’t even imagine yet. She was gone and I stood there all alone. Getting my clean laundry wet with my tears. I don’t the whole experience lasted more than a minute. But that’s all it took to turn me around and head me in the right direction. I thank the Lord for answering my prayer. There are still messes to clean up, and walls to wash. But I don’t get discouraged. My vision has cleaned up. I remember what my sweet grandma told me that night in my laundry room. I appreciate Bonnie sharing that experience with me. I believe and have reflected that we just as my grandmother said, must have it affirmed in our minds over and over again that this work that we are engaged in is the most important work in this life. We, just as our father in heaven, are striving to help our children receive immortality and eternal life. We are part of that plan.

At times the sacrifice of motherhood seems too great. It wears down the body, and the mind. But each day, there is so much joy to be found. We must see the catastrophies in the proper perspective. What's a little or a lot of spilled milk, (breathe, breathe) in relation to who these spirits are that we are rearing, what short time we have when they will wholey listen! What an inspiring thought to glimpse at who they are in our Father in Heaven's eyes, and to ponder who they have the potential to become in Him is magnificent. Besides these children are so stink'n cute, they say the darndest little things that just make me smile every day, when I open my heart to enjoy their whimsical, random, charming, nonsensical, funny and dear childhood. And just breathe when they fight like little cats and little dogs, in a big and ridiculous snarling tangle.

Here's to you Tiger

2011-01-02T15:58:00.001-08:00

Well, Riley's been excited for me to blog about this one, so here it goes honey! Riley's mother gave us a homemade noodle maker for Christmas, of which, only Riley has been so ambitious to utilize. He blew us all away this time! (And the oven, which will be explained later.) This lasagna was inspired from a neighbor who is from Italian descent, and so kindly gave us a huge pile of noodles as a home welcoming present. (We recently moved in.) Riley's Dutch oven lasagna had triple the calories.

Riley served a proselyting mission in Portugal, so this recipe has plenty of spices, and shredded carrots in the sauce. The noodles were so lovely, the perfect amount of crispy on top, and melty soft, with an ever so slight chew in the middle.

Well, as you may imagine, this recipe had a lot of grease from the cheese. This grease naturally spilled over. Each time I cooked thereafter, the oven smoked up. Eventually, it Flamed up into a scary burst of Fire, and Riley saved the day by pouring baking soda on it. Luckily I had recently learned just the cleaning product for him to use (see Domestic Dolls: Spring Cleaning below.) And he especially saved the day, by cleaning the oven out.

Isn't he a delectable handsome? An amazing lasagna and a clean oven!

Here's to you Tiger

2011-01-02T15:58:00.000-08:00

Isn't he a delectable handsome? An amazing lasagna and a clean oven!

Simple Joys

2011-01-02T15:57:00.000-08:00

Recently, on my run, I collected this lovely bouquet of flowers, for my own personal enjoyment and refreshment. On another run, I had gathered fallen rose heads just for Milly. When Milly saw this delightful gathering, she just knew I had gathered them for her! (Well, ok, so I had to modify my reason for getting them) The kids were in their pajamas and when I bidded them to get dressed, Milly said, "Mama, I want to watch the flowers!" Milly watched the flowers for like fifteen minutes!

2011-01-02T15:56:00.002-08:00

Simple Joys

2011-01-02T15:56:00.001-08:00

Domestic Dolls: Spring Cleaning

2011-01-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

Emily’s FOUR SEASONHerbal Tea Parties:

for the DOMESTIC DOLLS!!!

*Wanna be a Domestic Doll? Join us!! For a review of the first party, read as follows!

First Tea Party: Spring Cleaning

Guest Speakers: Jeralyn Franson, and Shyra Jorgenson

~A special thanks to Whitney and her friend, and Autumn, and their mothers, for providing the children w/ babysitting outside!!~

RESULTS: My cute friends showed up dressed just a little on the fancy side for funsies. We sipped our lovely tea and enjoyed the decadent snacks which everyone brought. I was so impressed with Patricia's raspberries in tiny chocolate shells, Jeanette's tiny pedafor cakes, Melissa's mini quiches, Miriam's deviled eggs, and my recipe of Linsey's coffee cake (chocolate, I add 3 Tbs more cocoa to this recipe) with soaked flour and pecan topping was a dream! Jeralyn gave us information on recycling, and inventive ways of conserving water, such as using your hot freshly boiled water from noodles to dump on and kill weeds, or spraying your garden veggies in a bowl and pouring that back onto your plants. We enjoyed Shyra's Oriental knowledge of Feng Shui which got us into the groove of what energy is created in our homes. Email your questions to Shyra. For managing finances she highly recommend Dave Ramsey and his Total Money Makeover which includes "living off rice and beans" to get out of debt, coming up with $1000 dollars for an emergency fund as a first step, and snowballing your debts starting with the smallest one first. (Ladies: SOOOO sorry that I did not take pictures! This photo of my sister is two years old! )

BACKGROUND: There are many domestic skills that I would like to know, but with other pet hobbies (sewing!!!!), and not much time, I was having a hard time finding the motivation! By inviting friends, planning, researching and learning became so much fun, and thanks to this first tea party~ I have learned many frugal, green, simple and actually fun and passionate ways of living!

HOW it started: First came the desire as a small seed a couple years ago, to know more skills and knowledge in self sufficiency, and basics. Browsing the internet on completely different topics, I came upon these two Christian women's websites of which I began to be inspired by. Passionate Homemaking, Keeping the Home. My initial desire to be more self sufficient and frugal, grew under the influence of good friends like Aundi Balling, and Jeralyn Franson, to taking good care of our lovely Earth as well. I was also inspired by on-line examples like Linsey and Candy, (authors of the above mentioned blogs) as well as a few more whose sights I chanced upon as well, such as Prarie Mom, Frugal Granola, etc.

ORGANIZATION: My first step for getting ready for the Spring Cleaning party was to get organized. I was moving, so this was the perfect opportunity. Attending education week last year, I met Alice Osborne, of whom I was really impressed with. Her presentation was on making rich and living books a key focus of your home, household and living, but she also let us know that organization was gifted her even since a tiny girl when she would organize her doll house. I read her book Its Here Somewhere, which was an easy read and gave me a straight forward plan on how to streamline and organize my home. Fly Lady of course is a great place to go for taking baby steps into organization and cleaning, as well as giving you a plan of attack. House of Order is a great resource for organizing everything under the sun, cleaning supplies, cleaning plans, (when to do what, how often, making it simple with notecards)

LIVING SIMPLE: If you chose one product to stock up on for emergencies or household storage, it would be Dawn dish detergent, a powerful biodegradable product. (Courtesy Thea) With Dawn diluted anywhere from 10:1 to 5:1, you can wash your hair! I modified a shampoo recipe from Passionate Homemaking with a 10:1 ratio water with Dawn, and a little essential oil and 2 Tbs. Apple cider vinegar for conditioner. Smells terrible, works great. The smell washes out... From Thea: "For general purpose washing where it will be watered down more (dishes, shampoo, bubble bath, etc) I tend to use about 1 part Dawn to 5 parts water. For spray bottles for household surface cleaners, I use about 1 part of my standard watered down solution to 3 parts water. This usually works well for even mirrors, however good filtered water, further dilution with water, about 2 tablespoons vinegar help improve the clarity when it doesn’t look the way I want. I haven’t found a good ratio, or quantity for dishwashers. I use about 2 teaspoons of Dawn straight from the original bottle for laundry with an extra boost from Borax or vinegar when needed. I used straight Dawn to clean out my oven when I moved, it was powerful, simple and worked so awesome!

BASIC PRODUCTS: From Passionate Homemaking, (Part 2, here)I learned that one can run a household quite simply~Baking Soda,Borax, Salt, Vinegar, Cornstarch , Hydrogen Peroxide, Rubbing Alcohol, and Bar Soap (Plain ivory can be used to make a very cost effective laundry detergent, but if you use the laundry bar Fels Naptha, you only have to use 1/3 a bar for 2 gallon recipe:

Click here for 71 cents for 2 gallon laundry detergent) These product’s uses range in uses from shampoo, fabric softener, deodorizer, cleaners, sterilizers, soft abrasives, hair conditioner, etc! If you chose one product to stock up on here, it would be baking soda, which you can cook with, scrub, wash hair, acts as toothpaste, deodorizes, etc w/. There are books written w/ 500 uses for baking soda! You will love Lindsey's deoderant recipe with simply baking soda coconut oil and cornstarch, which can go into your old deoderant containers, (keep in a cool place for summer)

This website sums up in the beginning what each natural product does, and then gives you many recipes for Kitchen, Bathroom, etc.

Other Websites:

Beauty/cleaning recipes: Each recipe has 3 ingredients or less.

Home made and safe Cleaning Solutions: Easy to locate what you are looking for

Homemade Simple Recipes: Simple straightforward recipes from a homesteading family

Easy Homemade Recipes: Cleaning and a variety of other home made natural surprises!

If you aren't into homemade products:

Debrah Lynn Dadd helps you find natural and safe STORE bought products. (Click on Debrah's list, then choose from the menu on the side for what kind of product you are looking for. One awesome soap that is organic and fair trade is Dr. Bronner's Castile soap. This comes in bars and liquid concentrate. Lindsey determines the concentrate is the best buy, in particular the Dr. Bronner's Sal Suds found here on Amazon.

Secondary Basic Products: needs are Lemon Juice, or lemons, Oil forwood cleansers, (and here) or lotion, and Toothpaste (laundry stain remover, gentle cleaner for shiney chrome.)

More about Lotion: *Lotion can be as simple as your favorite oils,coconut, sunflower, etc. But if you have a hard time w/ not having the creamy texture, here is a great recipe for a cream:

Tammy's Home Econ. Fool proof Deluxe Creme

1 1/2 C. water

1/3 C Jojaba or Safflower oil

4 Tbs Emulsifying wax

2 Tbs Scant Stearic Acid (heaping for a VERY thick creme)

2 tsp Glycerin

1 tsp Citric Acid (natural preserver)

20-25 drops fragrance oil, or essential oil

Coloring

Mix together in a bowl and microwave about 1 3/4 minutes just till melted. (If you have a meat thermometer, this should be about 110 degrees.) Then blend with an immersion blender 15-20 seconds. (I pulsed on and off lightly with a blender, and then stirred briskly with a whisk. Its like magic when it starts whipping into creme!) Add color and scent if desired. Pour into jars and allow to cool, lid when cool. Makes 16 oz.

Use any oil you like the best in it. For the lovely pink color in my creme, I took dead rose petals and steeped them in a pan for three minutes, strained out the pulp, and refridgerated the rosewater. I used the rose water for the water requirement. The glass jar there is apple cider vinegar rinse with water (1-2 Tbs per 2 cup water, your hair will feel so soft after your shampoo)

Buy bulk ingredients for less than 30 dollars from Mountain Rose Herbs, and then you can make lotion for years, as well as gift cremes to good friends. If you are more about frugal than natural, with your hand mixer, blend 2 or 3 dollar store lotions with vaseline for a healing, frugal lotion.

WHAT NOW? When you find the recipes you want to try, make them in bulk for cost efficiency. Then, put your spray bottles and cleaning supplies in a bucket either put up high and labeled “bathroom, kitchen,”etc, or put the buckets in the house area they will be used in. For example, in my bathroom bucket, I will have a large holed shaker to sprinkle a mix of salt and baking soda as a soft abrasive scrub) I now have a tiny lidded jar in my bathroom with three parts baking soda, one part salt and it is an excellent toothpaste!

For my party, I did something highly useful for myself. First, I went so far as to printing recipes off the internet, but for me, I wasn't using them until I wrote these recipes onto 3 by 5 cards, which I put into a notebook w/ plastic sheet protector page card holders that are easy to locate.

I had SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun doing this. It was adventurous and fulfilling and I hope I incorporate my new knowledge more and more into my daily life! Thank you to all my lovely guests, and the support I have received in this!

Please post any of your fav. websites, recipes and or tricks of the trade!~ :) Or say hello if you stop by!

No, Go get your Own

2011-01-02T15:51:00.000-08:00

So I have been happily sharing my cherries w/ anyone and everyone who wants them before worms and birds get to them. But here's the real charity test. My mom stops by for a wink of a visit and I encourage them to go and pick some cherries. Oh, no they have to hurry they can't take the time to pick any. My mom sees my bright red bucket of dazzling cherry stars and says, we can just take those. Gulp. Those cherries that I romantically sang off the tree, happily finding just the reddest and brightest jewels pinging into my slowly rising cherry level sweet tidy bucket? I felt like Napolean Dynamite when a friend covets his tater totts, that must have been tendered into his pocket with much risk, planning and care. "No! Go get your own!" he says. And wham, the totts get kicked by his friend. Well, as soon as my kids were in bed, I went out to pick some cherries. The rainy skies had cleared again to fresh sunshine earlier, so I was in high spirits to replace my swiped cherries. I opened the door to the pitter patter of rain. Ughh, groan. I want my cherries back still. So I gather my hat, the ladder, and set to work. I went to a fantastic Enrichment (Family, Home and Personal Enrichment for the ladies of my church) on the science of being happy, and one sure fire way to not be happy, is to ruminate. I was ruminating to be sure, so I decided to pray to Heavenly Father. Pretty soon, I found myself ruminating to Heavenly Father. Here's the picture, I am standing in the rain on a maybe a bit slippery ladder, w/ Riley's oversized sweatshirt, my pail of cherries, so dark I can't select just the ripest and non-bird nibbled ones, and not only ruminating, but now ruminating to Heavenly Father, "Please help me stop ruminating, but I am so annoyed," I reached higher and higher trying to gather berries to replace my lonely bucket's full status; ruminating I grabbed a tall branch, and it seemed I had pulled the branch off, because it was moving! Or that is, CRASH!! I was moving, all the sudden pinned down by the ladder, and a spilled bucket of red cherry jewels, glistening in the rain. Ok, I think. How hurt am I? Heart beating. I realized I wasn't too hurt. And then, I chuckled. What a ding-dong I am. I run in and get a head lamp. Now I had time to go through my cherries and assess their redness and bird nibbleness. Putting them back in the bucket, I see, not the best assortment. Should have waited for a sain time to pick, like MonDAY. Not SATerNIGHT-RAIN. Well, goodnight. And don't forget to willingly share your Picked cherries, as well as your unpicked ones. Or you may find yourself....in the hot bath for the third time in a day, laughing at yourself, blogging, and with a growing bruise on your left thigh.

No, Go Get your Own

2011-01-02T15:50:00.000-08:00

A Bouquet for Nanna-Mama

2011-01-02T15:49:00.001-08:00

Mom, I wanted to send you a virtual bouquet of flowers, but couldn't figure out how to email them. So here is the best way, its your favorite flower, as you described. I love you! You are as refreshing, and beautiful and awe inspiring as these dreamy, lovely flowers!

Mama: "My Grandpa Nelson has huge lilac bushes at his cabin, so there is a strong memory of my family and heritage associated with lilacs. When the flood came through, it killed the bushes from about 3-4ft down, but the core survived and kept growing, so they are resilient through trials. I love the colors of the flowers and the green together, that's my favorite color combination, somehow it represents life to me. They smell wonderful, the aroma sends me back to my childhood, simplicity and joy..."

Mama! I love you!!! I believe in you and thank you for all you have done for our family and all that you are still doing for each of us, and I can feel the Savior enfolding you in His arms, the graceful wind beneath your lovely wings! We all love you endlessly!

A Bouquet for Nanna-Mama

2011-01-02T15:48:00.001-08:00

A Bouquet for Nanna-Mama

2011-01-02T15:48:00.000-08:00