I realized that I only post when I have had bad moments on this blog, which I wonder if could be somewhat depressing, and not very telling of all the joy and good that my days encompass. This negative posting, is because in my struggles, I write in my journal, and God teaches me, and then, for further accountability and growth, I post my feelings on this my accountability blog. Many joyful moments, countless triumphs, are not celebrated and recorded. On my run, it occurred to me, that the cycle that I go through is indeed the pride cycle which is identified through out scriptures. Modern apostle Russel M. Ballard, explains why this pride cycle can be identified through sacred books in his talk, Learning the Lessons of the Past, Ensign 2009:
"You don’t have to be a Latter-day Saint—you don’t even have to be religious—to see the repeating pattern of history in the lives of God’s children as recorded in the Old Testament. Time and again we see the cycle of righteousness followed by wickedness. Similarly, the Book of Mormon records that ancient civilizations of this continent followed exactly the same pattern: righteousness followed by prosperity, followed by material comforts, followed by greed, followed by pride, followed by wickedness and a collapse of morality until the people brought calamities upon themselves sufficient to stir them up to humility, repentance, and change."
For my own journey with the pride cycle, I realize that a difficult circumstance arises that I don't handle well. Here in I turn gravely to the Lord in penitant repentance, and faithful pleadings for help to change. I then experience a period of magnified help and gifted patience, while I exercise focused repeated petitionings, with faith etc. Then, after things start to go really well, I begin to feel that the patience and skills come naturally, and I forget to petition Him so consistently, or at least as penitently. It is then that I fall once more and realize that am utterly dependent on Him in my life.
To avoid the fall of the pride cycle, Russel M. Ballard invites us to study humbly the teachings of the Lord.
"Our Heavenly Father loves all of His children, and He wants them all to have the blessings of the gospel in their lives. Spiritual light is not lost because God turns His back on His children. Rather, spiritual darkness results when His children turn their collective backs on Him. It is a natural consequence of bad choices made by individuals, communities, countries, and entire civilizations. This has been proven again and again throughout the course of time. One of the great lessons of this historical pattern is that our choices, both individually and collectively, do result in spiritual consequences for ourselves and for our posterity....
With all my heart I hope and pray that you will be wise enough to learn the lessons of the past. You don’t have to spend time as a Laman or a Lemuel in order to know that it’s much better to be a Nephi or a Jacob. You don’t have to follow the path of Cain or Gadianton in order to realize that “wickedness never was happiness” (Alma 41:10). And you don’t have to allow your community to become like Sodom or Gomorrah in order to understand that it isn’t a good place to raise a family.
Learning the lessons of the past allows you to walk boldly in the light without running the risk of stumbling in the darkness."
For me, keeping remembrance in the forefront of my mind has to come from more than just reading the scriptures, but reading the scriptures with an attitude that the words will rescue me in the truth they bring. I have to become as Paul, and remember that the thorn in my side, so to speak, is not given for me to fall, but to instead remember that I need Him, and to be able to have access to his grace. ( 2 Cor 12:7-9) 7 And lest I should be aexaltedabove measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a bthorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My agrace is sufficient for thee: for my bstrength is made perfect in cweakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may drest upon me."
Lately, as I have felt weak I have thought on this scripture, written by Paul. Romans 5:3-5 " And not only so, but we glory in atribulations also: knowing that btribulation worketh cpatience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5 And ahope maketh not ashamed; because the blove of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Thinking on this scripture has helped me to hang on to patience with the hope it will bring me confidence in the Lord. It has helped immensely.
When shopping at a local thrift store, I saw a cute little book. After I picked it up, I realized that it was an Al-Anon book with a daily quote to read to keep one in the right way. I felt that the spirit had sent it to me, to read a small quote each day, though I have no struggle with alcohol, to remind me gently that my weakness is with me each day and that I must depend on the Lord.
Also, an extremely helpful thing to do which has helped keep me in the light, and far from falling in my temper, has been to follow Apostle Eyring's bidding, to write down even a snippet each day of how the Lord's hand has been witnessed in my life. Sometimes, I write down a darling thing my child has said, sometimes I write down an amazing way that the Lord has had a hand in my life, and most often how His Hand has woven quite naturally a teaching, a blessing, a gift, or a help, natural, but still amazing if aknowledged and discerned. Usually, I think I will remember, but when I don't write it down, the event can be lost from memory from anywhere of a day, to a week. Following Elder Eyring's admonition has been a poweful way for me to deeply remember that I need my Savior and his guiding Love and Help through out every day and has enhanced even my sleep as I fall to sleep with a content and grateful heart in remembering his help, even in trial, for me to grow and be happy.
"Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. Oh Remember, Remember: Ensign 2007, Henry B. Eyring.
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