What my New Year's Resolution is NOT!

!#?#!!!*#

Ok, so, I have to admit when I get very angry, I am known to swear. Which is rather strange, because as a youth, my mouth was basically squeaky clean. I never swore to be cool, and can remember just about a handful my whole growing up years. But being a mother, has brought on more pressure than ever known to my life before, and in my heatestly steamiest moments, I am known to slip. Either in my mind, under my breath, or loud and clear! So two years ago I made the resolution, not to ever again. I gathered some really cute words, some of which I really used to say, "Crumbs!" Lemons! Cranberries!" (To remind me every sour situation has its sweet and is therefore not all that bad) Well, the year went by without success. So I made the goal again. AND my swearing reached unpresidented levels! I think this goal has contradicted itself, canceled out, and raged forth a worse habit. So far, out of some miracle, my children haven't ever said a swear word. I have prayed that they not remember the words I said, when I have. But I can only rely on God's grace in this so long, the habit has to be curtailed. So, I am NOT going to make a goal not to swear!--that doesn't seem to work. My subconscience thinks it is missing out on something great, and rebels. Alright subconscience, you have a choice on the matter, and frankly, I think you'll strive the better part. No forcing, coercing, straining or compelling my subconscience for now on!

Now, you may think, swearing is not that big of a deal, and you are right! There are worse things, more offensive to the Lord. But swearing for me is about controlling my anger, and controlling my anger is about preserving relationships, because I recently swore twice at my own daughter!

I have humbled myself this year, and decided to start by really getting to the root of the problem: ANGER. Maybe in the summer I can find a community class, and find more great talks at Education week too. But for now, to get started I did a search at byutv.org, 'anger management', there are a number of talks on the subject, so I started off with my first.
What it taught were these two keys:

Key 1: Meet the needs before they reach crisis levels. "Sin is a misguided attempt to meet a legitimate need."

(Cooling Your Hot Buttons: Principles and...
Mark Chamberlain
Families Under Fire 2002)

"Jesus saw sin was wrong, but was also able to see sin as springing from deep unmet needs on the part of the sinner...we need to be able to look deeply enough into the lives of others [including ourselves] to see the basic causes for their failures and short comings." President Spencer W. Kimball (former Prophet)

Developing empathy for ourselves and others helps us look, what is wrong here, are my feelings being hurt, am I feeling embarrassed, etc. Anger is a mask for the real emotion, (this I discovered from a talk also on byutv.org, unfortunately, is was background noise, and I cant reference this info)

Also, if we find out what the real need is, and meet that need, that is prevention. And as the quote directs, how helpful can this be in developing empathy, when we realize that the way another is acting, is merely another unfound solution for how they are feeling?

So, I must play the scientist, and figure out my needs, often a nice fat prayer where I feel his love surround me could fit the bill.

Key 2: "To focus on changing behavior is to begin too far into the chain of events." (Mark Chamberlain)

"The Lord works from inside out. The world works from the outside in...The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." President Ezra Taft Benson (former Prophet)

Chamberlain shows a plane orbiting the earth from far away, and a plane orbiting close up, and then crash! I was making the goal to pray right when I was mad, but I see from this, that how much more effective to correct the coarse much further from the crash. Letting the Lord change our very natures is a large chunk to chew, especially for a New Year's goal. But I wrote down some things that I can start to see differently, the long term goal of having the Lord slowly change my very nature, with an emergency goal to notice I need help long before crisis point and to ask the Lord's help in what hasn't yet been changed in my nature, and adjusted in my attitude/perspective adjustments. (For example, taking the lid off the pot long before boils are about to rupture.)

I have been working on this aspect of me for some time, and surely making some progress, but for the New Year, this being my first study in anger management, here's a little noted progress:

A librarian called to tell me I had to pay for a ripped page on a book, that we taped, that we wouldn't of had to pay for if the rip had been left alone, for them to use their special book ripping tape. I was so happy, I rather in a defensive raised tone of voice I admitt, said "We'd be happy to pay for the book." I explained in an assertively kind voice that I wasn't aware of that stipulation and perhaps they should let the general public know as they get their library cards.

I said "Dam---pers!" When the phone rang when my kids were sleeping, and I am really praying the word "POP!" which explains a burstful feeling, will come to mind each time something takes me by uwanted surprise....

And, frankly, I thought some swear words. This is a process for me, joy, challenge, an adventure in the journey, right? ;) wink